Old methods
I thought a lot about how I used to gain revenge. Drown myself in deep research and find the last string that holds a person together, pulling hard to watch them tumble in a mass mess. Just thought of how rewarding that was to me.
And now, after all I have experienced in my lifetime, I have no pull for that avenue.
Over and over I think of just of repulsive that is to me to seek out such an adventure. Truly in depth of me, I still love to do research and observe people but that crazed need to drive people to weakness serves me only a blood chill death.
I no longer look at how revenge is the answer to anything. Besides why should I pretend to be God? It is only his right, his job to do.
With all that falls away from me, you wonder if in my heart and mind am I capable of forgiveness. Oh if those who ever had a glimpse of me past, knows forgiveness was always there.
And that is my weakness. That is my defensive cover up. I am a forgiver. That is how I have grit. The experiences don't roll off my back but they don't drown me either. They are all pieces of who I am. Making one whoop redhead.
Yet why do I forgive even those who tear me apart? I do it because I love too much. I care and have such great compassion for others. Yes even when I do my tornado path through someone else's life.
In the long run, I would rather be hated or disliked because there would be no reason to be anything but me.
That is always how I went with the day. I understood many things about myself and most times if people don't grasp me, I really don't have a reason to explain. In fact it is very tiring.
I have come a long way by myself. Growing and protecting. Yet there isn't anything standing in the way of those who want to know me. All that is necessary is words, questions. All to unfold the layers.
And still what even brought up my thought of sweet revenge? Oh just one man.
And with that I walk away. Not looking back at anything. You are forgiven. Yet I know that means nothing to you. But it does for me. Just whispers.
And now, after all I have experienced in my lifetime, I have no pull for that avenue.
Over and over I think of just of repulsive that is to me to seek out such an adventure. Truly in depth of me, I still love to do research and observe people but that crazed need to drive people to weakness serves me only a blood chill death.
I no longer look at how revenge is the answer to anything. Besides why should I pretend to be God? It is only his right, his job to do.
With all that falls away from me, you wonder if in my heart and mind am I capable of forgiveness. Oh if those who ever had a glimpse of me past, knows forgiveness was always there.
And that is my weakness. That is my defensive cover up. I am a forgiver. That is how I have grit. The experiences don't roll off my back but they don't drown me either. They are all pieces of who I am. Making one whoop redhead.
Yet why do I forgive even those who tear me apart? I do it because I love too much. I care and have such great compassion for others. Yes even when I do my tornado path through someone else's life.
In the long run, I would rather be hated or disliked because there would be no reason to be anything but me.
That is always how I went with the day. I understood many things about myself and most times if people don't grasp me, I really don't have a reason to explain. In fact it is very tiring.
I have come a long way by myself. Growing and protecting. Yet there isn't anything standing in the way of those who want to know me. All that is necessary is words, questions. All to unfold the layers.
And still what even brought up my thought of sweet revenge? Oh just one man.
And with that I walk away. Not looking back at anything. You are forgiven. Yet I know that means nothing to you. But it does for me. Just whispers.
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