Spokes of a wheel
I can sit here and fool myself with wordplay. I can even say yay that I was proven correct about my assumption. Even more so is the fact that I listened.
Yet I know now I can just let go. I am no more than that glorified acquaintance anyhow. And the reaching inside my heart to tear up any notion is just the exact order I need to proceed in. To just forgo any kind of remarks.
The laying of the anger inside and placing it in the coffin. To be buried so that I can be civil where it is necessary. To that I must remain. My mindset is NOT to let what was visible to be digging into me.
Even more so to let anything said or done to affect me. It just kills my joy. Even more so is that the idea I thought of changes, and did they really?
Only in my life. Perhaps not in others. Its sad to watch the circle not change but still rotate. Maybe in a slower way but the levels of manipulation remain the same. But I am lucky. I am the one watching it turn but its not going to pull me in. My distance is good.
When it breaks it won't be me there picking up the spokes but someone else. Again I will feel the sorrow for them and the overwhelming anger they project but I will just know I am not a part of that cycle.
Though standing there I desperately want to jump in and say something. Yet I am compelled to remain quiet too. That is my war inside of me.
My anger and sadness from this whole realization just proves to me I am grateful to have stepped back. Not immersing myself and asking to be burned like before. Yes I hurt from the truth spit at me but I can deal with it.
In this moment I feel sorry for those stuck in the grind of the wheel. Constantly turning it and never quite reaching the satisfaction they want. Oh how I feel great pity for them. Such a sad way to end your life.
Yet you don't even realize that you have given over your life, until you are wasting away to the drum.
I am not sorry for your choices. I am sorry for those stuck in the wheel not knowing they have choices. But do they, will they listen to the scorned one from the times before? Probably not. For I know I didn't listen.
I got burned. I got buried. But the best thing about me is I know how to survive. How to claw myself out of being buried alive.
And for a moment I may sound cruel to say I can stand there and watch. Yet one day I can look and walk away. Because by then they knew they had the choices but have decided to play along and repeat the hurt, victim stories.
Those are the mental one to stand firmly outside of. To walk away when they talk. To not even nod but just pass on the street.
Believe me I have. And it is liberating to do so. For if I acknowledge their presence that gives them an open opportunity to invite their words into my world.
I think not.
This makes me strong. This makes me survive the yesterdays. This helps confirm I still stand with hope in the todays. And it gives ways to dream of the tomorrows.
Some people want to remain in that wheel, stuck in the mundane play of a circle. By all means do. I will only find amusement from it now.
Backing away and sure that I survived yet another test. As I am supposed to.
Yet I know now I can just let go. I am no more than that glorified acquaintance anyhow. And the reaching inside my heart to tear up any notion is just the exact order I need to proceed in. To just forgo any kind of remarks.
The laying of the anger inside and placing it in the coffin. To be buried so that I can be civil where it is necessary. To that I must remain. My mindset is NOT to let what was visible to be digging into me.
Even more so to let anything said or done to affect me. It just kills my joy. Even more so is that the idea I thought of changes, and did they really?
Only in my life. Perhaps not in others. Its sad to watch the circle not change but still rotate. Maybe in a slower way but the levels of manipulation remain the same. But I am lucky. I am the one watching it turn but its not going to pull me in. My distance is good.
When it breaks it won't be me there picking up the spokes but someone else. Again I will feel the sorrow for them and the overwhelming anger they project but I will just know I am not a part of that cycle.
Though standing there I desperately want to jump in and say something. Yet I am compelled to remain quiet too. That is my war inside of me.
My anger and sadness from this whole realization just proves to me I am grateful to have stepped back. Not immersing myself and asking to be burned like before. Yes I hurt from the truth spit at me but I can deal with it.
In this moment I feel sorry for those stuck in the grind of the wheel. Constantly turning it and never quite reaching the satisfaction they want. Oh how I feel great pity for them. Such a sad way to end your life.
Yet you don't even realize that you have given over your life, until you are wasting away to the drum.
I am not sorry for your choices. I am sorry for those stuck in the wheel not knowing they have choices. But do they, will they listen to the scorned one from the times before? Probably not. For I know I didn't listen.
I got burned. I got buried. But the best thing about me is I know how to survive. How to claw myself out of being buried alive.
And for a moment I may sound cruel to say I can stand there and watch. Yet one day I can look and walk away. Because by then they knew they had the choices but have decided to play along and repeat the hurt, victim stories.
Those are the mental one to stand firmly outside of. To walk away when they talk. To not even nod but just pass on the street.
Believe me I have. And it is liberating to do so. For if I acknowledge their presence that gives them an open opportunity to invite their words into my world.
I think not.
This makes me strong. This makes me survive the yesterdays. This helps confirm I still stand with hope in the todays. And it gives ways to dream of the tomorrows.
Some people want to remain in that wheel, stuck in the mundane play of a circle. By all means do. I will only find amusement from it now.
Backing away and sure that I survived yet another test. As I am supposed to.
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