Digs

I hated to cry over the stupidest thing but sometimes it just digs into you. So now I just have to keep moving on. Striving hard to push back the tears. Letting the few random ones fall.

That is why I keep my head up and don't get too involved into peoples lives. I have learned that is what can harm you the greatest. Learning about them and watching. Then falling. Its a hard face planting fall.

Then you just don't know how to recover from it. And yet I do. Just get up. Dry off the mud and dirt and keep going. Striving so hard not to look at things or keep the ideas in my head. Just shove them all away.

Then I don't feel anything. Just freedom and calm. Its so much easier when you are not reminded of things that never fell into your lap. Just is better to shake it out of you. Keep the head up and be happy for everyone. Not really showing all the pieces or peeling back too many layers because then people can use them against you.

I tried today but I still broke. I still let the tears go and still letting them go. And yet I am not angry. Happy and envious. But it is all for the best. At least I am not afraid to say what I am feeling. As stupid and childish as it is, its there.

And I have confronted it with a loud, uneasy bout of tears. Yet what can I do now but shrug my shoulders and carry on. Strive to keep things low key and not say too much. Emotional women are not easy to handle.

As I have been told.

So just letting the tears fall. I don't care anymore. I am just tired of always hiding my feelings for people who understand nothing of me. Even have the audacity to put labels on me. Just back away until I am better.

Because I don't need more harm than help.