Still

      Seated here thinking over and over the hysterical
parts of irony I have crossed, played in my mind. All
that I have been through, seen. Still I find the sarcasm
sitting side by side with me.

      To wash that off, away would be grand. To stand
and shake all that is putting a cynical glare into my
spirit. Why bring such a hated act into my thoughts?

      Oh Jehovah I beg you to help clear my head of the
need to scream at everyone. To be distant to those
who are sincere in wanting to stay close to me. Why
am I being like that to people today?

      Need to breathe. A walk on Wednesday, perhaps.
To soak into the necessary treatment. A much needed
clearing.

      Right now all I can do to apply the positive notes is
listen to Norah and place my jewelry before me.
Otherwise my dear friend, I cannot even move.
Help lift me, please.

      Staying still only drowns. No longer hinting. I just
want words to help. The hugs. The Scriptures to
press me higher. Holding me closer to the joy I was
bouncing with on Friday.

       Carefully I weigh the possibilities over and over.
Removing the heat that rises over soul. Solid forming.
Coldly creating the ice to fulfill the void.

        Best to believe that the tears are not to be
shown to anyone. Currently I don't even know how
to stop them except to recall moments in the open
air. Standing on top of a parking deck. Joyfully
breathing. Excited. Tired but breathing in happiness.

        Stepping back. Leaning deep into the red
chenille cushions I close my eyes. Praying for
everyone that has come over my thoughts. Deeper
I ask Jehovah to carry me right now. How else am I
able to move, to change?

       Opening my eyes. Relieved of the stresses, the
concerns that made me bitter. Laughing off the anger
I formed. Pounding it into ash. The worry of friends
finally disappear. Once again I am reminded of the
imperfections we all carry. Standing. Breaking free a
huge sigh as I wrap my turquoise cardigan around
my tiny waist.

      Picking up the pieces of me, of the memories I
have scattered. Leaning down, I blink and smile over
a simple memory. Sending chills up my spine. Ah
rubbing my fingers over the nape of my neck. I
smile widely. Silently thanking. Eyes sparkling a deep
smokey blue.

     Still I walk through the hallway, stroking the wall
lightly. Teasing my fingertips. Recalling further a
memory of paleness in a doorway. Shyly I blush.
Walking into my room I twirl in circles. Doing this
makes me think of tiny various rings. Bringing my
mind to daisies being picked. So silly at all that
prompts the tickles inside the mind.

     Silly? Perhaps. Still a beautiful redhead standing
in a room of Wedgwood blue. A large smile comforts
the spirit. Slowly a glance of red ties and ladybugs,
I laugh aloud. So happy to remember to feel. To know
I am amazing to someone, once.

                               Still.