My changes woven

     Sadly one by one the memories hold still the
heart. Keeping still the mind races to control. Pushing
passed the hardships.

     Ah how so many claim of a fairytale of love. I laugh
recalling when I, too, had it. The clutches I held onto
believing, striving for all that was a misunderstanding.

    Ah the changes made in three years. How many lives
have been incorporated into my life. Very much like
the links in armor - the chain maille. All time
consumed, the quality, the outcome. Was it worth it?

    Yes. Yes at times I do want to hide. Hide myself
from even myself. I know there are a few people that
even felt complete sorrow and hatred for me. I don't
blame them. I know I caused great heartaches. I know
the lies I had produced were that ~ lies. Still I kept
holding on, craving for more.

    Now the water stood still, silent for a long time.
Every now and then a ripple causes the heart to stir.
I question whether right or wrong is beneath. Often
times my conscience tells me what is necessary to shut
out all that the treacherous heart is beckoning me
to listen to.

    How I walk away? How I cry because the stabbing of
the daggers only pushes me harder to lean, grabbing
onto the table of Jehovah. Still so many cling to a
belief of a woman in the past. When will they see
that Jehovah forgave me? Is it appropriate for them
to constantly nag at a lost frayed thread?

   So many times I have kept my silence. Yes Jehovah
has taught me a great amount of patience. So much I
keep my distance from those who irritate, are self
absorbed or those who brag too much about families,
friends. I stand clear of loud people who beg for
attention. This may be why Jehovah gives me the
strength to be kind and the knowledge to stay unique.

   How else would my friends find me? All that I hurt
and all that fell from heart to ground I still would not
have changed because I don't know how Jehovah
would have brought me back to him.

  So, yes, many lessons yet to learn and so many more
dreams, goals to pursue. Every day I wake giving
thanks to Jehovah. I hope big that I make new
journeys with friends I hold dear to me.

   So my dear friend would you do the same? Would
you still take new steps to bond us closer just like
the smallest ring woven in chains?

   Would you my dearest friend?