A smile of radiance inside and out

I know not if people just sit by their phones, their
tablets or their computers to read all that I pour out
of me and yet, still, it matters the most. Why? Why
does it even cross over my thoughts?

Oh I don't even dare ask what trails in other people's
minds. Much less beg for the attention of anyone.
I am done doing that. So long I tried to be something
to someone, anyone. Never once did I bother to
think it was me that needed to be there for me. Is
this a plea of self-pity? Far from it.

So much in this world I cannot begin to comprehend
but what I feel tears me to shreds and still I am
standing. This is that strength Jehovah gives us to
push passed all the hardships, right? The gumption
to feel real when all seems irrational?

Ah standing still in this moment, tears rage in the
corners of my eyes. Demanding to be set free but I
have that determination to hold them back, inside me.
How else would I explain the sanity of standing
shaking wholeheartedly, uncontrollably but loving
each and every person with a stable firm stance? How
else would you explain it?

How does anyone really understand anything in
their lives? Just keep moving, right? The motion keeps
the mind working. Keeps the hope in faith, very high.

One foot before the next. Pressing, leaving an
impression on someone, somewhere. To hold onto a
memory that creates the widest smiles and the most
sincere love of those times. Ah how gentle is the
breath after a soothing fight within self.

Oh yes easing into a sweet toned melody. All now
is lost for a few notes of the violin. Anything to break
away from the battle waging. Distancing mind for
a while with a reading. Soon a sense of happiness
overcomes the flaws and the winning roars are
heard as bursting fireworks within me. Silly as much
as that sounds, that is exactly how good it feels
when greeting and beating that bump in the road of
life.

So one more time I glance into the night air to relax,
release the warm breath. Inhaling a memory of a
smile. Blue, greens vastness combined for a few hours
of soothing, warming of a soul. Yes. A small smirk
arises and joy fills, flows like lava burning down to
core.

Yes indeed, I smile inside and out. Radiance.