New words growing

Words that echo inside soul, down to spirit. The mind
quakes, rumbles to vocal chords. All that is exiting
is murmurs. Tiny whispers that only the wind can hear.

Ah how I want to say things but I get all choked up
before any one person. So staying silent is what I do
best. Observing and smirking. Such wonderful,
mysterious me. I cause people to question if
something is wrong with me or that my day may have
been rough. Eerie it may be, I still am comforted by
being quiet, sitting solo in a row in a noisy room. Just
watching. Looking, searching for one person, one thing
that understands who, why I am there.

Solitude is not isolating. My choice to stand clear of
all only because I tire of the rattle of conversation. To
escape out the door into nature, before all else, seems
grand. However I have no desire to race home, either.
Home is not comforting to me. There is much of an
underlying itch deep below exterior that cannot be
scratched nor erased. So much of me has to be just
silence and observation.

Yes, so a few call me shy, timid. Indeed I am. Would
you have guessed that at work? Oh no. Very outgoing
there. Perhaps much of it has to do with requirements
within job description.

Still I am reserved, private to so many. However there
are a RARE few that have gained a look at who I am,
have become and I am grateful to them for
maintaining a sincere loyalty. Never do they brag
about knowing me. I thank them for knowing who they
are and not questioning if I am still old person. For
those who are these few know I am different.

The voice of inspirations they push me towards, truly
are from Jehovah. No one else would press my face
into the Bible except these rare treasures. Friends.

Ah there are those who claim to be one of the rare
and they cause me to laugh. In doing so I chide myself
because I know cruelty to another is not worthy of
Jehovah. I must love them because,perhaps, their
ignorance really is their insecurities in disguise. Oh
this is where I must constantly ask Jehovah for help,
yes one of my many imperfections. I am in constant
need of Jehovah to help place into me, patience and
understanding as to why many act before they think.
Ah the patience I beg for just writing that sentence
down, screams so wildly inside my head.

A red smile covers over my pale, freckled face. Cheeks
splotched with high lobster coloring only because
I get warm when I laugh. Can you imagine so? La.

Ah so now I begin to understand as Jehovah wants
me to. So long it took for me to just smile. Ah I thank
you so much for pressing one Scripture to remind me
of change. Hmm still etched with black ball point
into a faded neon pink sticky note, placed right where
I should read it each day. I still keep it in my Bible
to remind me of all that has turned a new leaf. A
new beginning.

I am so grateful to that one moment, that one push
that rocked me so hard and took me to the next level.
I needed that very much and look, now, how much
further the growth has become.

Still the words given lifts. The surprises surpass levels
of friendship, so much of it shows love of long gone
family. To me that means so many things and still only
one thing: change.