A silent stand in thought

Crashing. Tumbling. Over and over again. Thoughts
rumble inside my mind.

I thought getting away for a few days would eliminate
all memories inside me. Yet they were in high
comparison of the new ones I made. Ah how distant
I was when even trying to enjoy moments with friends
and family.

Funny how all that a person tries to keep inside gets
throw out to be dissected by everyone. Cynical I am
about showing of my feelings. I try so hard to not
let people in, still somehow, some do. How does that
happen? Must be Jehovah telling it is okay to be
human.

I didn't want to remember things of that have passed
but cities, stores seen and experienced were upon
me once more. I had to recreate a memory. So forgive
me if a few names appeared. I did not mean to recall
and bring saddness.

Still I ask Jehovah to take a moment and help me, his
child, to understand crying is allowed.

So sitting here I realize that. Just crying over a passed
disappointment does what, though? I just want to
know why even, then, does anyone have to dredge up
such a memory?

Oh please, please Jehovah help me now with silence.
The want to confront those who helped create
memories. The need to ask why did they help me
anyhow? Still I cannot. I understand the reason why
I cannot. Still Jehovah, then why, why are they in my
thoughts daily if not hourly? Why?

I beg for an answer yet my conscience knows why.
Would you want to know? Love. Not sure the level of
it but love is definitely why I am lightly pressed with
hints of pictures.

Ah here I ask once more, will you help me understand
the levels of love? Would you help me, please? Oh
still there you are smiling.

How do I react but in silence.