A smile Jehovah created for me

Forever I felt lost on the wind. Singing deeply
wounded songs in my head. My heart craves
answer to the hurt yet I know already how to
say all. Oh how the woman I am beckons and
weeps for the loss I have created. A crackling
down to the deepest inner core.

She sways to a softly sung melody of long ago.
Soothing, calming that brings the crystal
waterfalls over the snowy white surfaces. How
does one hold up their head when there is
much attacking, warring over soul, over spirit?
A prayer I say as my soul is racked by
earthquakes. Standing here I see no reason
to let all the world know that the sorrow is
overpowering. That the wrecked tension is
weakening me. My spirit is struggling. I need
the food, sustenance that is mandatory to hold,
build, restore my spirit.

Knees knocking loudly as the wind tries to bow my
spirit to the ground, to the world and its evils. Oh
Jehovah, family I do so need the support. The mind
is awake but scared. Nature I need to have once
more, to feel happy, be thankful for my every
breath I take.

Rolling a whisper over my tongue, a sincere
prayer of hope, perseverance to push, hold me
in the saddest of moments. Showing that I am
not all that once was here, in their eyes.

Changes noticed by all but those who are truly
blinded by hatred, callus words rumble over and
over inside them. Biting, chasing my foundation
I have worked so hard to establish. Jehovah how
else but the gift of kindness, love do I feel for
those who are jealous, rude, cruel, nasty and
controlling. I also give as much respect as you
have instructed, guided me to see. Noticing it is
the best choice in life to those who do not quite
understand.

Silently the pain eases out of my pores and I am
able to pursue all that I can bear James 1:2,3; 
1 Peter 1:4-7 (NWT). The tame manners, the love
given, shown I hope for the best for those who
have decided, in their hearts, to hate.
Matthew 5:44 (NWT). Only other concern is that
I am afriad that those who hate will come to rule
over those who love, planting and wounding the
loving spirit, what innocence has come to know
and understand of me.

Jehovah I give you all my worries, anxieties and
try my hardest to see, give respect to the actions
that are insecurities of being imperfect dust.
Being calm as instructed and letting most slide
right off me, building the thick skin that you
have helped me create. Hiding from those who
want to battle with me. However to those who
love me: read my eyes, my actions, my words
and understand the trials I face.

A smile finally breaks over reddened cheeks. A
laughter from children, surrounds me. I see
joyful playing and certainty all will be free with
me. Jehovah, God will provide support for me.
Scriptures will be there, family will uplift me,
cheering me on. My biggest cheerleaders in the
race to see the completed past pushed away.
Emerging as the caterpillar does to breathtaking,
colorful butterfly. I will shine brightly as the
sun does through the trees.

The very trees that whistle the calming melody
down on my face. The wind that lifts, plays
with my unruly copper strands. So thankful
that Jehovah hears my tears, my heart. Else I
do not know what I would be able to do.
Leaning on my own understanding would harm
me. No wonder in Proverbs 3:5 (NWT) Jehovah
tells us who to trust. Greatest reassurance to me.

Slowly I twirl.

A smile Jehovah has created for me.