Would you have even listened to me

I have learned throughout my life not to get weighed down by the assaults that happens. Somehow if I did I would be a needy victim forever.

Yet in all that I have felt, been through I think the worst was watching as my dearest friend believed nothing I said. Just the opinion of someone else believing. Alas I understand my lesson.

My lesson was to save you. I did a VERY poor job of that. Sadly no one will ever really see the true depth of my pain. And I am thankful only Jehovag knows it.

I can't imagine, not even in my wildest dreams the amount of times when people would say things about me. And the ones I thought would DEFEND me looked away.

And STILL  you know what I feel, sorrow and sympathy for their heartache.  Even more so when they realize I did the right thing.

If showing my loyalty to Jehovah is wrong to people then I cannot associate with them. So those who I thought were CLOSE friends are not.

I am so disappointed. But we are all imperfect. I never wanted us to dissolve but if that is what Jehovah wants then it has to be.

I have to walk away from persecution.

And still my heart cries hard for all of you. Even those who still are persecuting me. I care that much. I have felt so much.

Alas all I can hope for is the healing process to begun for those who are harmed. Including me.

This whole experience has been a mess. I don't ever want to experience it again. So pardon me for not ever wanting to be near you.

My dearest friend is now one passing thought.

I am NOT  sorry for being there for you, not even when I was attacked several times. I still defended you. So I am the one preserving our friendship.

Tucked away in a bottle, pieced together in another cabinet. Sadly I don't want to feel anything.

Just want peace. And I have been maintaining it for months. So hate me if you want. Destroy your image of the bond we had. I don't care because I know I am innocent.