I can't breathe. Nor sleep

I can't breathe. I can't sleep. My head hurts. My heart hurts.

I couldn't say it but I kind of died today.  My soul already ransacked for exerting self only to pushed overboard.

I can't believe I used to feel. I can't believe I trusted.

Valued the open opportunity and only to realize I am always just second best. Always worthy of a trivial tease.

Yet I'd flip over backwards, through fire and over shards of glass. Ah yes distortion only to realize I can't be enough.

I died yesterday. I gave in to peace for unity. Retrying a bond. Only to realize I was an idiot.

I only brought opportunity to you. For you. A fool for caring.

Insides tearing me up. So sick in stomach to go beyond doubts and listening to my gut.

Ah to be proven right. Just kills me.

Oh how I hurt knowing I have to walk away. Run in fact. Not to recall memories. 

Nevermind if I was significant.  If ever.  I just know betrayal. 

Funny how loyalty means nothing. Watching as you do your best to warn others and yet longing for the truce to fall before you.

Right I am crazy. Yes because I care too much. Because I feel too much and yet here I am awake and sick because I tried.

Now I have to leave. Understanding all puzzle pieces. That was ALL I was not a pea in a pod. 

For now I have to break myself apart to listen to what l must do.  So pardon my words.  Not like you read them anyways.

As I push myself to remember agape. Forget philia. Never really knowing Eros nor ever understanding storge.

And just let go. That is what you have been teaching me all along.  I can only be a stranger looking into the light of hope I once saw in our friendship.

I cannot make myself say goodbye but I don't have to listen to your words. I have to walk away.