Not even angry,just disappointed

It's funny how my world gets flip flopped all over again. I get tired of the same circles. Noticing nothing does really change on a tiger.

I grew to love. I grew to hope but obviously all I could ever be is one more lie. Still, I tell you, I would have accepted that. For the longest time I had hoped.

And then I chose to look away from all things that would upset me. Just because I wanted something of my own.

Still a laughable scenerio. My long sighs after this week is ever calming. As much as the knots hurt and the heart throbs I still hope and pray for all the love to be felt.

That every idea or memory of me is recalled and explodes back out into your mind. I am disappointed with the levels I took to fall back into a friendship.

But I still don't regret it. It made me understand a newer lesson. And as much as my soul is shaking I still will love. Just something you never knew about me.

But I am not your biggest fan. I am only standing on the outside of your life looking in from time to time. Because I can't stand the thought of ever being depleted again.

Emotional roller-coaster for being a friend, really? Seriously?

Then to have my soul ripped to shreds as you watch. That is enough.

What only offends me is that my truth was right in your eyes. My loyalty to Jehovah was different to the one for you.

You taught me that. And forbid me if you want but I am SO EVER grateful Jehovah put you in my life. I won't ever give up but I may stand at a distance.

Bit by bit life, Jehovah, will show me the importance of why you were there. I have learned greatly but now I am tired.

Jehovah has taken these reins and my legs are following whatever I am told by him.

Even more how much I wanted preservation I think the allowance of reservation will hold me at bay from you all.

I am greatly saddened that none could hear me. Saddened that I lost so many people I loved deeply.

Yet I am still moving. Did you know I was made of strong stuff? Did you?

Perhaps that is why I only hope the best for you. Whatever that is, as I walk away. Loving you at a distance. I learned that is the only way you can find the truth. And learn inside yourself.

At times I am so angry but then my mind and heart calm. At times I break down in tears but I sigh and pick myself up and move on.

I can't express the gratitude of you being in my life. I can't even explain the depth of who we are but I will always be hoping to see all of you in Paradise.