Worth

             The coolness echoes over me. The kindness
felt just holds me tighter. Inside a dream, the memories
of long ago, swirl. Holding me captive long enough to
swell the heart with tiny bits of pain.

            Oh looking over the lost days, I cry. Holding
closed, the sobs that beckon to break free. Oh dear the
washing of tainted termoil just explodes across the
years. Calling attention to all that had been neatly,
properly filed. Contained.

            Daringly I step back, praying, that the emotions
that hear my breaths just fall. Breaking into a million
bits of grain, of dust.

         Oh I hope. I pray. I dream.

         The sounds of explosions spring into my spirit
to levels of such alarm. Shh. Hold the minutes. Declare
the seconds gone, emptied.

         Just this once as I notice the sadness begin to
form. Here I stand sighing as I realize, confirm I have
done the right actions, made the right choices. Stepped
down the correct pathway as the multitude of changes
behold my soul. Shedding and releasing of layers
of disgust.

       Shaking my mind into knowing I stand tall. That
I am still supported. By one, by millions.

       Oh my dearest friend the sadness is absorbed as
I view photos of my youth, my motherhood. The tears
ache in corners of slate blue eyes. Oh dare I say I am
brave even though I am truly weak? Dare I strive to
show strength where my feet are dragging?

     Oh here the words are seen. The memories of
progress, of changes. So much is the growth I am
feeling but why in this very second do I feel stalled?
Choking from a sob? Why?

    Startled by the views of laughter. The sights of
growing children all around me just beg me to ask
was I worthy of having mine? What kind of joy is
there when they seem so untouchable?

      Alas I pray. Jehovah picks me up. Proving to me
I am worth. I have the strength to endure, to keep
pressing forward. More and more I lean upon my
Father, Jehovah in these precious moments.

     The gentle hugs he draws around me. So
uplifting. Sending my spirit to soar, grateful of
the changes.

    So much more healthly I am now. Such love of
a new family. One by one I gain brothers and sisters.
Young and old. Strengthening me into knowing I am
worthy.

     So yes, I still grow. I am grateful for all that
Jehovah presses close for me. One child at a time,
one friend bonding closer.

    Are you grateful I am your friend? Smile for me.
Yes now, yes later. Yes help me make new memories.