Stoic but in need to let go

                Oh the rages of wanting to cease the tears. To
"man up" but the feminine side just controls the
strings, currently.

                Holding onto a hope. A tiny bit of a memory.
One that causes tempers flying and cackling laughter
to follow very soon after.

                Oh the smiles that crease the face. Hiding the
monstrous hill of gaining concern. Emptying on
piled layers into the flames. One by one the flames
lick, bite into another piece of the memory.

               The simplest ways to stand clear is to just
build a wall. Other ways are to explode into conversations
by the way of another subject. Oh  how sometimes I just
want to escape. Saying no word, just letting others
think I am well, good and in no need but what is the
point in that process?

              Why be stoic when the spirit is fading? How
does that help? It doesn't so suck it up and release
the mountains of emotions. Noted so now traveling
towards the right track is opened and I can begin once
more.

             Stepping closer. Hmm closing my eyes I beg Jehovah
in a prayer for help. The allowance to let someone to
crawl inside the cracks and see the melted softness
striving to live. I strive to let someone understand that
a hard issue is to JUST let someone in. Not in the outer
circle but deeper. To hold onto a bit of the growing,
weaker me.

            Oh Jehovah will you be sending someone who
wants to know, who already understands beneath this
strong exterior is this part of me no one really sees
but every once in a while the brightness shines vibrantly
throughout my baby blues?

          Oh Jehovah is there really someone who is like
that there, standing waiting to help me without a second
thought? One who goes to great lengths to just make one
step to guide, show me the positive progress?

          Jehovah I will wait to see who is given, who is
listening. So here I pray I hear the answers, the love.