Reflections

           All that still aches upon me the words that pick
at me, echo in my mind to keep pressing forward. Oh how
prominent the words are in Proverbs 4:4-9(NWT). The
Scriptures just enhance the necessity of clinging and
staying on track.

         I let so much slip during the weeks leading up to
my baptism. So much I let myself reason into the
underlayings of excuses. No lies just various levels
of procrastinating time given.

       Oh how I thought if I put off preparations of
spiritual growth, things would be easier. Oh how wrong
I would learn to be.

       Standing in a room of loving brothers and sisters,
rejoicing and giving thankful praises to Jehovah, I still
felt lost and weighed down by all the targeting pieces
of Satan's world. I realize just how much I was slowly
losing myself before I had even begun.

       Today became a reflective day. The need to talk was
hushed and the ache of words became silenced. I was
held in a quiet calm as the cracks inside me began to
slowly heal. So many pieces of broken glass displayed the
distances I was going.

      The descent of isolationg myself where it was not needed.
Who does that to themselves? Who - we all do. Oh so
clear was the help of kind words from a sibling, words
that dug deep, making me see a need for adjustment. I
just hadn't seen the lacking, or the distances I was going
to make the relationship with Jehovah seem dimmed.

      Ever so kind is the thought of just keeping me in a
prayer opened my eyes. The sigh exhaled. Amazing how
Jehovah lifts when his children are in such need.

       So today I have prayed, I have slept and now
I press myself to Scriptures that keep me alert.
Pressing my mind into absorbing the necessary food for
my spirit to continue growing.

      So much I had on my agenda for a day off but my
spiritual awareness was in need. Oh how there were just
the need to talk face to face, one on one to someone.
Just opening the voice of concern, breaking the shell
but it ended up just being me crying in desperation to
my Father,Jehovah.

      Still now regaining, regrouping all the ways to get
back to putting my spiritual needs first. At times I know
it will be hard doing things in a solo manner but with
Jehovah's support I will prevail.

     Oh now I am trying to regain Wednesdays as my
personal study. No longer allowing procrastination
to hurt or isolate me.

     Yes just words from a sibling gave a thought of
just how cruel Satan will become, using any weakness
to draw me out of favor of Jehovah's love. Oh how I
thank Jehovah for his kind and timely reminder.

      Indeed the levels I must absorb I am still young
but I am grateful that Jehovah has given me so many
more parts of family who will feed, direct and encourage
me to draw even more close to my Father,Jehovah.

      Alas to realize the trials leading up to my baptism
were only hints of tests. Satan now digs deep to lead
me astray. Oh this is why I must keep gaining wisdom from
the words of my Father, Jehovah.

     Oh my dear friend, I did not believe that this could
be true until the waves of sadness and anger of the
world helped me decide, choose my excuses, my
procrastination.

      I did not think Satan would come at me this fast.
I did not think I could lose focus on my prize. I didn't
even think the isolation, quietness and silence could
pull me away from Jehovah, yet it was.

       Oh Jehovah thank you so much for finding the right
words to help me see.

        Here I am slowly recovering. So much in hopes that
I will once again be able to be vocal of the teachings that
I have absorbed. I hope somewhere down the line,
friends and family will talk to me again. In so much
love and encouragement.

         So my dear friend, one day, I hope you will
find time to talk to me again. Still I know all when Jehovah
allows, encourages it. One day just a look of joy will
greet us and tears will fall, gaining the grounds for a
smile and a tugging, warm hug.

         So one day, yes, my dear friend?