Do you see a mockery of me?

   Whirlwind past I try to disappear. Try to
tear apart all that I have learned from you.
Yet did you even know that my heart was
involved? Probably not. All you felt was
passion you were not allowed to have.

   Why do I still care? Why does it still
matter to me? I ask Jehovah for help - he gives
what he can. I shudder to think of all that
I know, all that I experienced. Was it for a
lie? Aware that words spray deep into people's
minds. Splattered against a wall. People, you
laugh at the great display of me. Torn. Broken.

   How do I peel myself away? How does it feel
to watch me in agony? Displaying myself in
lost, humble ways. Does that make a man out of
you? Does that make you understand all the
wrong done? I would think not. Yet I know
you felt something - NOTHING!

Dark, superior lies spread thin to embrace
you. I hope life finally brings you happiness.
A ray of sunshine to carry you high. One
method of gentleness in the quake of uncertainity.
I hope you seek all the words to help guide
you in your travels.

    I feel too desperate, too alone to say
anything. To do as life whispers. Careful I tread
on the soft words. Praying for a release of
uneasiness. Hear my shallow breathing. The
words through the air caressing your mind
of who I once was. Glance back at what I
should be now. Broken yet I am open. Learning
about all the greatest stories of bravery, of
devotion, loyalty.

   You were the glimpse I thought I had
of progress yet I knew life was knocking
me down, preparing me for this great,
best story. Even now I know I hesistate
yet I move forward in all that is
necessary. Taking the right steps even
though I am scared of who I become if I
look back. Yet I know I am moving correctly.
The power, the guidance from this family,
I am motivated. I see all greatness. The
worry is lessened. Happiness is there,
yet a memory grims, dims the eyes full
of water. Dripping down my face.

   I stand waiting, knocking on a door that I
know is unlocked. Is it mine to open? Uncertain
I whisper and peek inside. Grateful for the
courage that beckons me to take the first
step. Enter with great love waiting, pushing me.
Embracing me to a new level. Telling me that
if I wonder, all will be okay to say yes to.

   Time will tell. Learn from the lessons.
Entertain life with the positive notes. How
dare I answer without any but a smile?

   Do you see?