I write to learn
I never felt the need to write like I did last night. To get all my thoughts out on paper and to Jehovah. It was truly so rewarding. I wrote three pages almost four. Then today to do research over the meeting information, still have questions I need to answer. Though I know it will take a few days to find the answers.
As the day unfolded I am surprised by what became of the words that I wrote. I left talking to the lined pages for a few days. Then I opened up my journal once more. Exploding the experiences upon the parchment. The allowances of free falling letters just unwinds my mind and spirit. I am capable of finding a deeper peace. Even more so when the research of the day finds another path and another one still.
Those are the moments I look forward too. The times when honesty and tolerance is built, coinciding as neighbors. Perhaps that is when I find myself writing more and more. These lessons that I must apply like deep penetration salve. They heal me and press me to adjust and inhale. That is why I continue to place my thoughts inside a journal.
This way I am able to unload all that is dissecting me and place those thoughts and emotions into a box, so to say. Then a prayer to follow so that the pressure does not drown me. So to say that I am okay is a lie. On some days I want to scream beyond the sky and other days I am soaking in the positive sunshine beating down upon my pale skin.
I hope that my love is welcomed and the endurance of ignorance and bitterness from others would be covered over by sincere compassion. See that is where I am in constant struggle. I strive so hard to just be passive over the harshness of certain times and people in my life. I know I have many a times when an outburst finds the air, no longer just sitting in my thoughts. At those moments, I scare even myself because I cannot take the bashing, the beatings nor the abuse any longer.
Though, even more so now, I talk to Jehovah. I build this tolerance, this strength (with Jehovah's help) to be calm, to be patient and to be ever loving to all those that attack me. The perseverance is deep. All I can do is thank Jehovah for the lessons I have learned from these last few years.
Oh and how there is still so much to weld into my veins. I am a continuous work of art. Ah how I laugh at that but I am an art piece. Not sure what but similar and unique in the same points. Much like the broken porcelain patched with gold. The Japanese have a word for it : Kintsugi. The gold is Jehovah -his words and his love. See, before him I am this severely flawed human but with Jehovah I am created stronger and even more beautiful as a piece of his art.
Sounds odd but look up what Kintsugi means. If you have ever seen pottery made this way, you will understand the shine of Jehovah inside my spirit.
Alas I have possibly gone way off tangent but words upon lined parchment can lead down different paths. All paths should end back to the beginning in certain aspects. In this case I am currently writing in my electronic journal. Displaying a certain level of my life to those who want to explore who I am.
You see, I am wrong many a times, but the hope of Jehovah's protection, his molding is what I want. That is why I write. Why I unload onto three or forty pages. I need that relationship with Jehovah to build what his terms are of tolerance and decency. To find new ways to apply a controlled border around my treacherous heart and strengthen the mind and spirit with what Jehovah accepts as good.
An ongoing process as I stated before. I will be until Jehovah decides I no longer will wake. So that is another reason why I must write, why I must pray and why I must apply. Ah I exhale and find myself thankful for an old Awake magazine from 2015 and a short video that helps me learn how to refrain and retrain my mind, spirit and heart.
Alas I give thanks to Jehovah for those he continuously uses to give food at the right time. Thank you Jehovah.
As the day unfolded I am surprised by what became of the words that I wrote. I left talking to the lined pages for a few days. Then I opened up my journal once more. Exploding the experiences upon the parchment. The allowances of free falling letters just unwinds my mind and spirit. I am capable of finding a deeper peace. Even more so when the research of the day finds another path and another one still.
Those are the moments I look forward too. The times when honesty and tolerance is built, coinciding as neighbors. Perhaps that is when I find myself writing more and more. These lessons that I must apply like deep penetration salve. They heal me and press me to adjust and inhale. That is why I continue to place my thoughts inside a journal.
This way I am able to unload all that is dissecting me and place those thoughts and emotions into a box, so to say. Then a prayer to follow so that the pressure does not drown me. So to say that I am okay is a lie. On some days I want to scream beyond the sky and other days I am soaking in the positive sunshine beating down upon my pale skin.
I hope that my love is welcomed and the endurance of ignorance and bitterness from others would be covered over by sincere compassion. See that is where I am in constant struggle. I strive so hard to just be passive over the harshness of certain times and people in my life. I know I have many a times when an outburst finds the air, no longer just sitting in my thoughts. At those moments, I scare even myself because I cannot take the bashing, the beatings nor the abuse any longer.
Though, even more so now, I talk to Jehovah. I build this tolerance, this strength (with Jehovah's help) to be calm, to be patient and to be ever loving to all those that attack me. The perseverance is deep. All I can do is thank Jehovah for the lessons I have learned from these last few years.
Oh and how there is still so much to weld into my veins. I am a continuous work of art. Ah how I laugh at that but I am an art piece. Not sure what but similar and unique in the same points. Much like the broken porcelain patched with gold. The Japanese have a word for it : Kintsugi. The gold is Jehovah -his words and his love. See, before him I am this severely flawed human but with Jehovah I am created stronger and even more beautiful as a piece of his art.
Sounds odd but look up what Kintsugi means. If you have ever seen pottery made this way, you will understand the shine of Jehovah inside my spirit.
Alas I have possibly gone way off tangent but words upon lined parchment can lead down different paths. All paths should end back to the beginning in certain aspects. In this case I am currently writing in my electronic journal. Displaying a certain level of my life to those who want to explore who I am.
You see, I am wrong many a times, but the hope of Jehovah's protection, his molding is what I want. That is why I write. Why I unload onto three or forty pages. I need that relationship with Jehovah to build what his terms are of tolerance and decency. To find new ways to apply a controlled border around my treacherous heart and strengthen the mind and spirit with what Jehovah accepts as good.
An ongoing process as I stated before. I will be until Jehovah decides I no longer will wake. So that is another reason why I must write, why I must pray and why I must apply. Ah I exhale and find myself thankful for an old Awake magazine from 2015 and a short video that helps me learn how to refrain and retrain my mind, spirit and heart.
Alas I give thanks to Jehovah for those he continuously uses to give food at the right time. Thank you Jehovah.
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