Depth in a movie

I just was thinking about the movies I used to love to watch on repeat. High Road to China, Sixteen Candles, Marigold, Umrao Jaan and a few others. I just  look over them and think of how deep they reach me. How much they explain who I am.

Perhaps in their most simple of ways or perhaps the complexities of the layers. Whatever the reason I still find myself in these movies as I watch them again. Each time is likened to a new time. And as I realize they are just movies, like books are just characters, still their is a level of explanation of me in each.

So why bring this up now? Well I was recalling how Umrao Jaan and Marigold make me feel. Not in sense of longing but that of understanding who I am and what I am searching for. Not lonely just exploring.

Sure there are times when all I am seeing is the tragedy of misunderstanding and lost love but I am also connecting to the emotions. Not something I do very often. Only with my few favorites.

And as I am writing this I am thinking of the passages i have made in my journal. Talking to people in particular and yet no one specific.  That is the confusion of me. Expressing my emotions to a level that others can relate to. That is probably the reason many find me unresponsive or cold in aspects. Yet if some just pulled back the covers, they would hit a goldmine.

Ha. How some would be terrified of what lays with the goldmine. Alas I think that is why so many movies, I connect with. I strive to give others ways to deepen their understanding of me. I hope and pray that they do reach to understand, to listen.

Yet.. all one can do is pray.

So yeah those few movies I laugh, cry, feel torn with and can actually walk in the characters shoes. In those moments I sigh. Exhaling to the point of turning a new direction. Leaving the questions to ask, before those who want to know more.

I wait. I hope.
Now I just give references. All I will do for now. Referred to the movie that most likely speaks me.

Are you listening?

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