Convincing myself

As I sit here waiting for my curls to dry I find myself waiting to talk to you. This need for you to expand on what you know of me, really dig deeper inside to explore all parts. I don't really know why I want you to understand me nor am I gonna try to explain. 

As I sit here telling myself I best just get used not talking to you, I still pressing a stubborn streak, screaming a no. All this echoes inside my mind. I shake my head and truthfully know that I just have to wait. That, truly is the reward after the relationship with Jehovah. 

Ah but to tell you all that is part of the day as we used to, well that has to wait. And if you even want to hear how the process of a day has gone, well, I would gladly give it all to you. Alas here I sit listening to Pandora, currently listening to Bryan Adams Unplugged version of When you love someone.. The lyrics are nice but it is the instrumental pieces that help me soar.

The ways to find me in a song is to tell me about the reason why they grab at you. What makes the lyrics, the rhythm or the meaning draw you in? It is those moments that make me understand who you are. And now is a song that I enjoy, thanks to my sister. Jo Dee Messina - Bring on the Rain. Which rolls into one of my favorite songs Deana Carter - Strawberry Wine. This song was the first country song I listened to as a teenager. 

The lyrics take me back to when I first heard it, I was sixteen going on seventeen. I thought this song was for me. So why am I going over all these songs with you? On here? I just like to release bits of the layers I have. Every tiny bit leads to the depth of me. Why, though, is it important to unload bits and pieces of myself? 

Then I listened to Trisha Yearwood - The woman before me. Tonight I have been listening to all the right songs that unwind the mind about wanting to talk to you. Then Reba comes on and I realize there are some truths in what I listen to. How the depth of trying to get away from things, from thinking of you and of looking forward to listing off all the days following up until the day we say hello. 

Yet Reba and then Martina bring on these songs and I shake my head, thinking about how I am getting so far ahead of myself. Foregoing the reality of the situation, which is, it will be a while before my words grace the same air as yours. It will be a while before you can even read what I write. 

And by some thought, you are reading, don't erase your post. You are encouraging and uplifting. Guiding and counseling at the same time. Just as I hoped and prayed. So stand still for a moment. Breathe. I am listening.

And take a moment to inhale the beauty of Jehovah. The vessels Jehovah uses are very encouraging. I will keep going forward. So if you are in tune with understanding me, knowing me, then be vocal. Never stop being you.