I used to want
I used to walk in circles trying to figure out who I am to you. Yet th an I realize I lost who I was to me. Searching long and hard to find any form I just forgot to just be me.
As soon as I realized this tragedy I walked away. Not looking back. When I began to see what I am worth to Jehovah, I asked myself how could I have ever thought you were better than him? Then I realized my mind was so caught up in trying to please. So much so that I was completely gone. Not an ounce of myself remained.
I was just a shell of a person.
Not only did I still want you in my life, I searched for you. Only now it is by far less and less. Surprisingly I really don't even look. I just hope I was seen as something beyond the boundaries of crazy.
Though I know that is how you label women you fear. It is a sad statement of a man. And when I realized I would always have that stained on my skin, I decided to embrace it.
For to do so I made it clear to myself that I am beyond a label. I am so much more. That is the day I realized I was real. Bringing fill to the empty form.
I must say that is the most liberating thing a woman do for herself. And now as I am putting more definition into my life it is clear just how wrong you were for me. Even now I pray for your well-being. And that is as far as it goes. Even the days I pass your car on the way to work I still say, love your neighbors because you don't know their trials. And I do. But at a distance.
Each part of my trials are just another part of my fillings. My stuffing I need. Every day I gain what is necessary to keep going forward. No longer do I tire myself from a worry about who you are seeing, which "friend" is which and if you need me for something.
I am grateful I emptied out my shell and started again. Sure I have my rough spots but I don't need you like I thought I did. Not as a lover. Not as a friend. Maybe a stranger I once new, sure. I like the ring of that.
No more stressing over whether I need to help because I did enough to keep you going. Now it's my turn to lean in to my process.
That is the best news ever in my circumstances.
As soon as I realized this tragedy I walked away. Not looking back. When I began to see what I am worth to Jehovah, I asked myself how could I have ever thought you were better than him? Then I realized my mind was so caught up in trying to please. So much so that I was completely gone. Not an ounce of myself remained.
I was just a shell of a person.
Not only did I still want you in my life, I searched for you. Only now it is by far less and less. Surprisingly I really don't even look. I just hope I was seen as something beyond the boundaries of crazy.
Though I know that is how you label women you fear. It is a sad statement of a man. And when I realized I would always have that stained on my skin, I decided to embrace it.
For to do so I made it clear to myself that I am beyond a label. I am so much more. That is the day I realized I was real. Bringing fill to the empty form.
I must say that is the most liberating thing a woman do for herself. And now as I am putting more definition into my life it is clear just how wrong you were for me. Even now I pray for your well-being. And that is as far as it goes. Even the days I pass your car on the way to work I still say, love your neighbors because you don't know their trials. And I do. But at a distance.
Each part of my trials are just another part of my fillings. My stuffing I need. Every day I gain what is necessary to keep going forward. No longer do I tire myself from a worry about who you are seeing, which "friend" is which and if you need me for something.
I am grateful I emptied out my shell and started again. Sure I have my rough spots but I don't need you like I thought I did. Not as a lover. Not as a friend. Maybe a stranger I once new, sure. I like the ring of that.
No more stressing over whether I need to help because I did enough to keep you going. Now it's my turn to lean in to my process.
That is the best news ever in my circumstances.
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