Home
I have traveled some rocky roads in my lifetime. Enough to say i am a seasoned person of minimalistic design. Yet so much of me just wants ROOTS. I know how silly that is but just once I want a place to feel like home and to be home.
But what is a home?
A place where memories grow or a person that holds us safe. What is home? Stability. Love. Warmth.
How do I attain such?
I once had it while I played a game of lies. I once expanded so much that I was just a rubber band of unworthy, selfish traits but I had a home. I spoiled it. I wanted so badly to have something that wasn't mine. I so dearly clung to the possibility that I was worthy of that.
Yet I killed that home, that warmth and love. The stability. So now it is up to me to rebuild.
Yet I do not do it alone. I cling to prayers. I cling to words I hold dear, scriptures that send chills down to the depth of my icy core. Straight through to the fiery spirit. And with the strength and wisdom I gain one day I will have my home again.
Yet how far did I travel away? Far. So far. I did not recognize myself. I became this greedy, jealous monster that coveted something so dark. Yet I know I was a willing person. And I am grateful to add my disfellowship to my name.
My lesson of how dirty I treated a home. And how far I went to gain something that could never be mine. I tried. And then I found me.
Through my struggles I found me. I found what I so desired the most, and now I have to find a way back. Slowly.
So how does a seasoned mover of so little become stable in a home? Practice. Training. Rebuilding. Dreaming. Focusing on what is the hope. Having faith. Building strong bonds and living.
That is me now. So battered by the storm I am and now ready to be the smooth river sailing. Yet much to come, much temptation to draw me away but a goal that is attainable. I have to believe I have a warm home waiting for me with plenty of hugs just as ready.
That is what I look forward to.
But what is a home?
A place where memories grow or a person that holds us safe. What is home? Stability. Love. Warmth.
How do I attain such?
I once had it while I played a game of lies. I once expanded so much that I was just a rubber band of unworthy, selfish traits but I had a home. I spoiled it. I wanted so badly to have something that wasn't mine. I so dearly clung to the possibility that I was worthy of that.
Yet I killed that home, that warmth and love. The stability. So now it is up to me to rebuild.
Yet I do not do it alone. I cling to prayers. I cling to words I hold dear, scriptures that send chills down to the depth of my icy core. Straight through to the fiery spirit. And with the strength and wisdom I gain one day I will have my home again.
Yet how far did I travel away? Far. So far. I did not recognize myself. I became this greedy, jealous monster that coveted something so dark. Yet I know I was a willing person. And I am grateful to add my disfellowship to my name.
My lesson of how dirty I treated a home. And how far I went to gain something that could never be mine. I tried. And then I found me.
Through my struggles I found me. I found what I so desired the most, and now I have to find a way back. Slowly.
So how does a seasoned mover of so little become stable in a home? Practice. Training. Rebuilding. Dreaming. Focusing on what is the hope. Having faith. Building strong bonds and living.
That is me now. So battered by the storm I am and now ready to be the smooth river sailing. Yet much to come, much temptation to draw me away but a goal that is attainable. I have to believe I have a warm home waiting for me with plenty of hugs just as ready.
That is what I look forward to.
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