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Revisiting some old poems has made me see that I could have been quite loving but even hard. So cold one minute and another destroyed in painful love. It is a sad expression of who I am. That truth in my personality that really complicates everyone involved in my life.
So deep that the layers are only unfolded two depth, not twelve. To see that I could be kind to one person and completely judgmental towards another. Oh and how someone would tell me that I am scaring them over my venting stages. Oh what was worse is that I could be warning them of a truth that was soaked so deep in manure that roses was the only scent given. Truly how I looked as though a lunatic in those instances.
But the pieces of poetry that gets me the most is that of betrayal. Not necessarily the aspect of me being destroyed but that of lost trust and loyalty. That is what breaks me in two. When someone defends someone against me, saying that I am cold is what can damage me.
And as I am reading this, I just am capable of saying WOW. Trials I faced. Yet now I don't have to worry about the fake appearances. I am truthful and brutal but very silent in all dealings now. It can make or break people but I am grateful for the peace, even the calm.
Today I am just grateful for the patience and silence I have on so many aspects of life. Truth be told all that hurt and pain I experience or thought was mine to die in, well I don't think of it much these days except to recall the lesson inside.
Sure the one I wanted wasn't meant for me. Whatever that means. At first that bugged me to no end. Though I come to realize that I was the stepping stone. I was just the one that broke so much up. Kind of like a bad cold. I broke through all the muck and helped with giving a clear pathway to find what was necessary to cling to.
And even though the muck was people and events, life changes I found myself okay with be a destroyer. Even okay with the hatred I would have from all aspects. Truly I knew where I stood. I understood what the outcome was. Still do. But sometimes I just want to hear, thank you.
As strange as it is I just would like a voice over, admitting a tiny thank you. Not even a fake enthusiastic one. Yet even in that hope, I recognize that I am proud. Then I just let it go. Realizing that all I can do now is just hope that my words of finding that one true person, was truth you actually listened to.
Yet deep down inside, I find that it is wrong. My instincts say that hopping around is what really appeals. Friends with packages or benefits is what you stick with only because why pay for the cow when the milk is free.
Truth rings a sharp sting I know. When a settling happens I will be cheerful in the contentment thoroughly found. And a joyous song will burst from my mind. Indeed.
So revisiting poems are quite interesting. What do you think?
So deep that the layers are only unfolded two depth, not twelve. To see that I could be kind to one person and completely judgmental towards another. Oh and how someone would tell me that I am scaring them over my venting stages. Oh what was worse is that I could be warning them of a truth that was soaked so deep in manure that roses was the only scent given. Truly how I looked as though a lunatic in those instances.
But the pieces of poetry that gets me the most is that of betrayal. Not necessarily the aspect of me being destroyed but that of lost trust and loyalty. That is what breaks me in two. When someone defends someone against me, saying that I am cold is what can damage me.
And as I am reading this, I just am capable of saying WOW. Trials I faced. Yet now I don't have to worry about the fake appearances. I am truthful and brutal but very silent in all dealings now. It can make or break people but I am grateful for the peace, even the calm.
Today I am just grateful for the patience and silence I have on so many aspects of life. Truth be told all that hurt and pain I experience or thought was mine to die in, well I don't think of it much these days except to recall the lesson inside.
Sure the one I wanted wasn't meant for me. Whatever that means. At first that bugged me to no end. Though I come to realize that I was the stepping stone. I was just the one that broke so much up. Kind of like a bad cold. I broke through all the muck and helped with giving a clear pathway to find what was necessary to cling to.
And even though the muck was people and events, life changes I found myself okay with be a destroyer. Even okay with the hatred I would have from all aspects. Truly I knew where I stood. I understood what the outcome was. Still do. But sometimes I just want to hear, thank you.
As strange as it is I just would like a voice over, admitting a tiny thank you. Not even a fake enthusiastic one. Yet even in that hope, I recognize that I am proud. Then I just let it go. Realizing that all I can do now is just hope that my words of finding that one true person, was truth you actually listened to.
Yet deep down inside, I find that it is wrong. My instincts say that hopping around is what really appeals. Friends with packages or benefits is what you stick with only because why pay for the cow when the milk is free.
Truth rings a sharp sting I know. When a settling happens I will be cheerful in the contentment thoroughly found. And a joyous song will burst from my mind. Indeed.
So revisiting poems are quite interesting. What do you think?
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