I would be wrong if I said..

Truth be told I thought I would never let go of you. I thought that I would never be able to not be around you. And then I felt free when I was no longer with you. I felt that life was bigger than all was allowed. I began to see that you held me back. That the light inside of me was brighter as soon as the world revolved. The unfiltered mind became so vibrant and the light began to sing.

How could I have let you destroy me for so long? Why did I let you? Oh, right, I loved you so much. Yet I still wasn't enough. The soul could be carried and the mind could be heard but the heart could not be reached. And as my mind became ravished by wanting to do all that I could to hold you, I slipped. 

I allowed you to be the one that I walked fire for. And even would slit my wrists for. How could you have that much control over me? Oh how much I loved you. I wanted so much and I could only get a taste. I was never the right fit for you. Even though I hit some pretty hard icebergs for you. I still could never be the one. That one that warmed you thoroughly. 

To this day that saddens me in the slightest of ways. And as the night unfolds and the music plays. I find myself seeing, that I allowed so much. I loved you so much and was willing to be what ever I could be, just to have you with me for seconds of time.

I hope, now, no woman has to experience that. And that you find that one true spark. The one that holds all aspects for you. And as the time goes on, one day you will laugh with me as I feel foolish now for being so childish over your attention.

And as the night fades into morning I realize that I really needed to be that woman for you. I really hoped. Only to find out that I am eternally the friend you seek out to speak to. Not to get the reality but the one that digs part of your spirit. The one that gets the different levels of you.

You see, as much as you and I hurt each other, trust is still there. And I still love you. BUT I won't ever admit it. And even as I write it, you can use it against me but I had to be truthful. For to say I am over all parts of you, it would be a lie. 

Truth is jealousy can harm the best and the worst people. And I was both. 

Nothing changes but the life carries forward. Memories fade and smiles increase. Calum Scott's song "You are the Reason" and Reba McIntyre's song "And Still" find me in tears but that is how things just are that these days. Nothing less and not a note more. Just words, emotions that help me survive. 

And for that I still will say I can carry forward, hoping that someone find you deep enough to hold tight. One to fight for you entirely. That is what I want for  you. Someone to need you as much as I thought I did. And in return you need her too. 

All I can do from the bottom of my spirit.