A stillness of a chilled wind
You know, I sat out on the porch looking out into the cold midnight air. Just wondering what you were doing tonight, even down to who was holding your hand. Oh how that affected my heart a bit. Yes to the point of a slight increase of beats. And as I leaned into the brisk wind I felt just so clear. So happy for the tearing of the heartstrings. Why? Well I am no longer the one that is your constant companion. Even more so is that I don't even cross your mind.
And as that may stick me a little I recognize that you were never one to cling to anyone. You had your own wall built up. Only the rare few got in only to be shut down and out. Yet I just listened. I felt. I absorbed. And after all the darkness you were experiencing got deep inside of me, I am so glad you felt that I was not important enough to be walking in your mind. For that I have to always be grateful.
As sad as it makes me, even now in moments, I have to understand that I wasn't one that broke a wall. Nor did I remove any stones. In fact I pushed you towards those who could do that. And as much as it hurt me, tore me apart I still am happy for your release.
So the chill upon the skin just reminds me how gentle you could be in your own vulnerability. The exploring of your sensitivity. And even as I knew I would be discarded then I still walked beside you. All in hopes that maybe I was wrong, maybe I did get to view a deeper piece.
Then today, shivering near the one a.m. wind I am still in search of a surprise. Not minding what the results are but that I was right about some things, that the listening really did mean something. Alas one can never be certain of anything. Life is what can be experienced. Love, well it is an expansion I don't know how to explore, except via friendships and family. All else kind of lost any kind of hope.
And though love feels lost of hope in other aspects, I still understand and glean that I can be content without ever crossing those lines again. Not a lost cause. Just not involved in any aspect beyond family and friends.
So as I deem myself worthy of warmth I say to you, I was something. I just wasn't your something unless proven wrong. As I am known to be. I am different. There is a sure separation from a time gone. Indeed one can only be persuaded to lean into opportunity if a friend is wanted. All else, facts will be given not opinions. And paths will be discovered.
Yet if wanted only egotistical recognition, seek out those who are sopping up the charm. I am immune. Finally.
Be of a sure mind if treading on a conversation, I must say. If then, life carries you well.
And as that may stick me a little I recognize that you were never one to cling to anyone. You had your own wall built up. Only the rare few got in only to be shut down and out. Yet I just listened. I felt. I absorbed. And after all the darkness you were experiencing got deep inside of me, I am so glad you felt that I was not important enough to be walking in your mind. For that I have to always be grateful.
As sad as it makes me, even now in moments, I have to understand that I wasn't one that broke a wall. Nor did I remove any stones. In fact I pushed you towards those who could do that. And as much as it hurt me, tore me apart I still am happy for your release.
So the chill upon the skin just reminds me how gentle you could be in your own vulnerability. The exploring of your sensitivity. And even as I knew I would be discarded then I still walked beside you. All in hopes that maybe I was wrong, maybe I did get to view a deeper piece.
Then today, shivering near the one a.m. wind I am still in search of a surprise. Not minding what the results are but that I was right about some things, that the listening really did mean something. Alas one can never be certain of anything. Life is what can be experienced. Love, well it is an expansion I don't know how to explore, except via friendships and family. All else kind of lost any kind of hope.
And though love feels lost of hope in other aspects, I still understand and glean that I can be content without ever crossing those lines again. Not a lost cause. Just not involved in any aspect beyond family and friends.
So as I deem myself worthy of warmth I say to you, I was something. I just wasn't your something unless proven wrong. As I am known to be. I am different. There is a sure separation from a time gone. Indeed one can only be persuaded to lean into opportunity if a friend is wanted. All else, facts will be given not opinions. And paths will be discovered.
Yet if wanted only egotistical recognition, seek out those who are sopping up the charm. I am immune. Finally.
Be of a sure mind if treading on a conversation, I must say. If then, life carries you well.
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