Focus on the loving kindness

I come home to a wide awakened eerie slap in the face. Not that I hadn't expected it but the words are just too much to bear. Then when I finally get around to being completely collected I go back to the person who feels my existence is so unbearable and give her a hug. Something I know she cannot deny and will not understand.

As I stand there inhaling all the negativity I just have to face it that her life just really is worse than mine. Her hateful mind games are just her barrier she has around her heart. I feel so much pain from her. Not in the sense that she is harming me but that in the sense of her vibrating hatred. 

And as I look over to my mother all I can do is just smile. Hope the day goes by and know my mother tries to stand clear of this woman too. All the while still loving her. It is a sad cycle. However I am grateful that I am not pursuing the daily attacks by myself. 

Then I just say to myself how pitiful a person can be. How can the spirit be so unforgiving self absorption. It is remarkable that a person can even live day to day in such a state. And as I stand there being quiet and open to the remarks I just have to keep myself reminded that love, kindness and patience being shown is the best way I can live today.

And when I am still I recognize there is no kind words that she projects and if there is it is followed by a grand scale insult. I just want to know why this constant badgering, hating and seething jealousy is pressed against me daily. 

Then I recall it all started with me receiving packages and letters of care and concern. That sincerity and generosity really upsets her. And when she bites down on me to where I am near tears, as I walk away I just give her an encouragement to pursue happiness. Yet I only hope she does find happiness. That life does not boil her to the ground.

I would not even want that for anyone. Not even those who attack me daily. Nope. I only pray for their joy and their love. Perhaps that is my problem. Perhaps that is why she can't stand me. 

Then my mother pulls me aside and tells me, it is because I am kind, loving, considerate and giving. This is what irritates my aunt greatly. But, but all I want to do is be at peace in a warm environment. Yet even as I am hoping for that I am also wanting my aunt to be there too. 

So in my process of solutions to her constant battles I am still leaning in on the love aspect. Ha I even have to say thanks to the crack of laughs from an old friend - owl you need is love. Yep. 

Even though I realize the post was not for me, I still enjoyed it. And that is another way to pick up myself and keep going. Positive outbursts from friends and family. All this helps me maintain light where darkness is all around. 

As tiny the droplets are, I am still able to find joy with them. With that, I say thank you. I am capable of winning a calm war without destroying another. That is the peace. 

So settling, so to speak, to the constant rattle of old bones barking at me. I am capable of surpassing all the wickedness that will be projected. I will be peaceable as  I have been taught. Keep on loving. As you and so many other say, I will do. And all you need really is hope. Love follows. Joy erupts and time fades.