Proven a trial of isolation

    Funny how people say don't isolate yourself
from those in a congregation yet there is only that
to do.

    Holding myself at a distance only out of respect
because all that I have been taught. Ah sitting here
in a silencing mode, the drive to escape landed me
at the library. The rarity of it all is that I don't want
to go in. I am seated in car reading my Bible.

     Pulling at strings to hold myself up. Then come
the tumbling of tears through a prayer to Jehovah.
A pleading cry to help bring back the simple joy
I felt for family.

     Still the loss sits deep. Not to those ones I gained
but the ones I have known all my life. Yes I know it
is okay to grieve. Yes I understand others know of
that pain still to explain to anyone just makes matters
worse. I snap because solitude seems to be what I
want but in reality I need my uplifting family.

    Shrugs. I don't have many. So I just pretend I do.
Then the prayer to Jehovah brings a relaxer.

    Ah to stay peachy for others is rather hard at times.
Yet with Jehovah's help I can do it. Just there are
those moments when a walk, a movie nor chocolate
helps bring it all down to a soundless breeze.
That is where the driving comes home.

    The overwhelming joy just breaks and I crave my
moment with people. Yet only thing there is my
car and Jehovah. Moments like this are trapped inside
a soft, paled soul. Waiting for that ride in the breeze
or the rain to separate and collect.

     Funny yes it seems that I stand tall for so many
to see. I even joke to bring people standing positive.
Still right now is where I need that brought to me.

    Shrugs perhaps that is why there are the car rides.
The silence screams inside my head. The stuffed up
nose and red streaked faces.

     Perhaps that is why I am a solo form waiting for
a family to grab hold. Question is who is the real
family?

     Jehovah will bring all to me in due time. The
patience I must show until then. Persevering through
the tests. One day I too will be included but until
then I have to wait.

     The invitations have to be given. So I will just
keep going forward. Possibilities are everywhere
and patience with loving kindness has high priority.

     Trying not to get derailed by such a turnover.
Just have to push it all upon Jehovah. In hopes of
the possible within him.

     Still I must say this red splotchy look is becoming
a regular attending vistor to my freckles. Not sure
I can abide it. Perhaps the chipperness needs to
drift towards me. Hmm.

     So here I am writing and calming down as Jehovah
pulls all that is weighing upon me, off. Indeed
a softness of a cooling kiss across a fevered forehead.
Yes Jehovah I felt it. Thank you for crossing out the
heaviness.

     Beside me is seated the greatest form of education.
The Bible. Such encouraging words, stories to prove
to me over and over I am not alone.