A changed course

             Dearest of fallen memories are those of
children laughing. The echoes of sisters, cousins
chasing each other. Tumbling.

            Oh moments I miss. The gathering of
pictures hidden inside stored boxes. Shh for a
minute as I slide them out.

            Oh the covers of heavy layers of dust.
Shaking, trembling over the distances I travelled
to pull away, to eliminate those parts of joy.

           Never thought I would need them again.
So wrong I have been. The need is there, always.

           Learning that scars can heal. That wounds
will mend with the right medicines. Oh why did I
not think I could be included?

           Seriously the negativity that can be placed
inside a mind. Oh I pray not to experience those
moments too often. Why, how did I ever allow the
opening for it?

          Down travels the memories passed. Not
on "memory lane". Just trying to decide what remains
and what needs a replacement.

         Oh holding tightly upon a sigh. Not ready
to join the world. Currently happily seated upon
my porch scribbling sentences together. Feeling the
breeze flip my pages over and over. Oh joy is here.

         Perhaps, yes, I need to step inside. Expand
my soul and stretch my spirit to an opening of
newer sights, perspective.

        Oh to be sponteous. Still I am not. I need my
planning, my organization and all the goals.

        Soaring is the spirit as I lightly chuckle over
my day's worth of silliness. Hoping others will
comprehend and then join me in laughter. To help
pull me up, outside to the big, uncanny world.

        Still was all that I poured out necessary?
Yes very much so because I do not want any
negativity to sit festering inside my spirit. All that
would do is settle darkness over beauty.

       Oh I don't want to walk back to a person like
that. Just to think I was like that in my past, sickens
me. How could I have been so cold, nasty and
spiteful?

       So thankful Jehovah found me. So grateful
for the first steps I tripped over because I have
gained so much more. To top it all off just a few
days back I gained more family.

       How could I not be enthusiastic about such
wonderful news? Had I been me of my past I would
have been so horrible. Who would love that in
a sister?

       Such distances I have gone to let go, now, one
more step I take to carry the truth in all I have
learned.

       Oh dear one, breathe in the beauty surrounding
you! Enjoy all those who embrace you and don't
forget the little silly, emotional sister who strives to
be a good friend.

     Would you accept me now as a possible piece
of your ever growing changes? As that of a distant
encouraging friend, even after learning of some
of my imperfect weaknesses?

    Hmm here I sit as a mosquito snacks on me.
Laughing and smiling as I gain momentum to join
the world once more.