Indifference

So indifferent today. The soaking of the cool breeze on my skin. I just feel the oddest in sensations and the desperation to constantly allow tears to stream down my face.

How carefully the  mind laughs at me when the sheer objective of crying makes my head hurt. The sensitivity I am expressing seems trivial and mere brushes of this very air.

Simply designed to echo the sighs of frustration into the warm afternoon sky. Still the soul does nothing but observe the peaceful quake of leaves rustling on the tree.

Indeed the brain just shuts down and the inhale releases the exhale. All in hopes of relaxation.  Yet.  Yet the mind has to keep churning.  Why?

I don't want to feel. I don't want to weigh in the heaviness but I must.  I have to lay down and experience it. Sadly I just want hugs. Moreover real hugs.

Yet I won't beg and I won't explain so I just let it go. I can't let the emptying fill me with negativity.

The joy has to be put here. I have to see the simple moments.  I have to let the mind swim in good memories.

Here I sit on my balcony.  Absorbing the displays of quiet. The sounds of rushed air and whistles of insects. The hint of cars pressing forward but me, I sit motionless inhaling every second I can.

Involving the mind to still only, though, for seconds just to soak into my surroundings. Letting the imagination take hold until the busy reality takes charge.  Demanding me to focus on the tasks presented before me.

Lastly I hope for slates to become aqua and freckles to burst upon a spread pale rose. Indeed I prepare for the day, holding a smile inside and out.

Did you bother to really ask, you would understand I am shaking and in need of a bit of compassion. Yet. Yet I don't say too many words because the internal fight is to help others not myself. Realization that I too are in need,  long too late.

Interested find a way to dig into me, find my desperate call and truly hug me.