Easiest and hardest thing

Loving is the easiest and yet the hardest thing for me to do. I am always looking for the best in people and still I see more than I want too.

So many times I have to just simply walk away. Not really explaining my reason nor giving any warning. I just drop it all.

I have to shut down my mind, my personality and become what people say - cold or heartless. It hurts when people call me that but I understand that they don't understand me.

Always a learning process. One by one those I have loved deeply find fault in my leaving. They find reason for my behavior but if they had asked, truly I could have tried to explain.

Still I don't like arguments and I strive my best to just apologize. Whether it is my fault or not. I cannot push away everyone.

Still some days I do

Sometimes I just need ones who are close to just kind of get me. That to really find a meaning and cling to know I am loving, I am trusting.

Yet how can they when I keep them away? As always I am thinking and processing the ideal way to reach a goal, plans and how to continue to seek love. Funny though, maybe, I have tried too hard.

I love more than you know. Deeper than the stares. Deeper than roots of a willow tree in a stream.

Still did you know that about me?

It's not that I am cold, heartless or even shy. I just don't want to "feel" the good and bad in people. I just want to be with people and NOT read them. Not to observe them.

I just hope to be me. Just loved as who I am. Yet many ask who that is.

Do you really know me? If you do tell me.