Over thinking is healthy
I am so swollen. So stuffed full of exploding nerves. So much retaining of water or weight. The bubble puffiness I feel through out my skin is literally the effect of grandpa after eating all that food on Turkey day. The bolted loopholes are struggling to get free.
Yet in my case it is just my skin trying to move. My muscles hoping to burn instead of freezing and snapping.
All that pressure I feel is agitating. And then trying to explain that agitation to someone who truly cares. Just ugh. If I can't understand the extent how am I going to relay it to someone else.
The closest I could get was to explain it, is my skin feels like in a stretching mechanism but no elasticity. And my nerves, the blood inside of me feels like that of rusted nails scraping down my bones with liquid fire banging and burning inside me. Truly the emphasis seems over dramatic but just that hint of how I am not trying to burst nor bark at someone.
So sure you try placing that level of pain outside of you. Today I failed miserably. Even walking to get my coffee was taxing.
But I still saw the light in the darkness. How? The light is that I got outside. I got to feel the wind on my face. I got reminded that I am just a grain of sand waiting on the beach. So yeah I am grateful.
Still at this moment I am seated in my chair trying my hardest not to contort my body in any way to be painful. But yes I make sure if I am elastic enough, I will do exercises. Even today I did not steer clear of walking and dancing.
As much as I know that can be harm I still push to get good results in my life. And as much as that can backfire I still take the chance because it is an avenue I know I can deal with.
See that is a part of who I am. I have thought of all the aspects and outcomes (the constant over thinking - worst case scenario gal). And with what I end up deciding, I know my ending whether good or bad. So in some way you could say I am spontaneous. But only because I have researched the many different scenarios and reactions to them that I am prepared for whatever may slap me.
Too much perhaps.
And yet it pulls me away from thinking about the severity of what I am feeling inside of me. Which in turn all that thinking is good for me. As much as it is a downer to keep on thinking of all areas of life, it still is healthy for me.
So as I sit here with the ticking of my brain I am enjoying the relaxation of tension everywhere. Still have my stiff fingers and wrists but there is a little bit of elasticity so life is bearable.
Do you understand the light in a negative situation? Do you get why even in a black night there is still a ray of hope?
I smile. Hurting but I am smiling. Seated in my chair. Absorbing the aroma of Vicks vapor through out the room. Indeed the night is young.
Yet in my case it is just my skin trying to move. My muscles hoping to burn instead of freezing and snapping.
All that pressure I feel is agitating. And then trying to explain that agitation to someone who truly cares. Just ugh. If I can't understand the extent how am I going to relay it to someone else.
The closest I could get was to explain it, is my skin feels like in a stretching mechanism but no elasticity. And my nerves, the blood inside of me feels like that of rusted nails scraping down my bones with liquid fire banging and burning inside me. Truly the emphasis seems over dramatic but just that hint of how I am not trying to burst nor bark at someone.
So sure you try placing that level of pain outside of you. Today I failed miserably. Even walking to get my coffee was taxing.
But I still saw the light in the darkness. How? The light is that I got outside. I got to feel the wind on my face. I got reminded that I am just a grain of sand waiting on the beach. So yeah I am grateful.
Still at this moment I am seated in my chair trying my hardest not to contort my body in any way to be painful. But yes I make sure if I am elastic enough, I will do exercises. Even today I did not steer clear of walking and dancing.
As much as I know that can be harm I still push to get good results in my life. And as much as that can backfire I still take the chance because it is an avenue I know I can deal with.
See that is a part of who I am. I have thought of all the aspects and outcomes (the constant over thinking - worst case scenario gal). And with what I end up deciding, I know my ending whether good or bad. So in some way you could say I am spontaneous. But only because I have researched the many different scenarios and reactions to them that I am prepared for whatever may slap me.
Too much perhaps.
And yet it pulls me away from thinking about the severity of what I am feeling inside of me. Which in turn all that thinking is good for me. As much as it is a downer to keep on thinking of all areas of life, it still is healthy for me.
So as I sit here with the ticking of my brain I am enjoying the relaxation of tension everywhere. Still have my stiff fingers and wrists but there is a little bit of elasticity so life is bearable.
Do you understand the light in a negative situation? Do you get why even in a black night there is still a ray of hope?
I smile. Hurting but I am smiling. Seated in my chair. Absorbing the aroma of Vicks vapor through out the room. Indeed the night is young.
Comments
Post a Comment