Succeeding through Jehovah
Some how I always seem to get all twisted. Probably the heart trying to make the mind think too hard about stupid stuff that are not a part of my life. Some day I want to get back to looking at me. Deep down knowing where I am with Jehovah.
I haven't left his army of women. Plus with their support I seem to be finding a home finally. A true place for me to be sitting. Its truly a part I have been dreaming about. To finally "fit" somewhere. Not alone and not looking in either.
Finally seeing that I am capable of standing on my own two feet. Scary as it is I find it quite rewarding. Possibly silly but a sense of calm. I know I will not really be past the humble means but that keeps me away from the greedy person I was in the past.
The parts of me I don't like to speak about. Like my father I knew my love of money and fame would hurt me, eventually. I know. I watched it happen to my father. I shake my head as I recall his hateful words, and how I grew from them. How I soared and hoped never to become him.
I succeeded in a way. Yet in a way I am a disappointment to my family too. I look as though I can not afford nice things nor go out to eat when I want. It drives them nuts when I say that I want no education. I don't like classrooms nor to advance myself to a bachelors or doctorate. I am not like most of the people in my family.
I am content. Yes I know if I went back into the world I could succeed on just my name. Yet I cannot imagine being drawn away from Jehovah for more money or be in debt for many years because I pursued something for wages.
23 years in retail, merchandising and management must mean something. Yet do I really care? No. Because I don't know what it will mean during the great tribulation and Armageddon. Nor in the new system if the need for money will be there. I really don't know.
So learning how to maintain myself via skills and hobbies, trade and wages I continue to put all my trust in Jehovah. Doing the best I can to help him where I need to. Seems as though my family find this truly a sacrifice but I just find humility in it.
Perhaps I am odd. I don't seek fame. I don't seek extravagant gifts. I don't seek education. I seek Jehovah. As much as that annoys my family I continue to seek Jehovah, God for his truths I will feel free of the past paths of wrong.
Still I understand their concerns but I see the system of things differently than they do. Perhaps that is the patience I have for them and the love I have to develop further. Indeed so many things I want to do and they require great amounts of money. I understand some times I have to save, and save long years but its okay. I have learned that is the difference I am from who I was in the world to now in Jehovah's organization.
Learning not to rely on my own understanding... (Proverbs 3:5,6) and trusting to give all to Jehovah. I must give my best to Jehovah and not seek that of which I was prior nor what my family desires.
I must admit this is the hardest thing to do in the world. Yet here I am.
Still clinging to my place at Jehovah's banquet table. How about you? Your past, your present a constant battle? Seek Jehovah through the bible, through jw.org and through prayer.
I know you will find a way and be strong just as Jehovah is making me. Lasting note : Philippians 4:6,7
I haven't left his army of women. Plus with their support I seem to be finding a home finally. A true place for me to be sitting. Its truly a part I have been dreaming about. To finally "fit" somewhere. Not alone and not looking in either.
Finally seeing that I am capable of standing on my own two feet. Scary as it is I find it quite rewarding. Possibly silly but a sense of calm. I know I will not really be past the humble means but that keeps me away from the greedy person I was in the past.
The parts of me I don't like to speak about. Like my father I knew my love of money and fame would hurt me, eventually. I know. I watched it happen to my father. I shake my head as I recall his hateful words, and how I grew from them. How I soared and hoped never to become him.
I succeeded in a way. Yet in a way I am a disappointment to my family too. I look as though I can not afford nice things nor go out to eat when I want. It drives them nuts when I say that I want no education. I don't like classrooms nor to advance myself to a bachelors or doctorate. I am not like most of the people in my family.
I am content. Yes I know if I went back into the world I could succeed on just my name. Yet I cannot imagine being drawn away from Jehovah for more money or be in debt for many years because I pursued something for wages.
23 years in retail, merchandising and management must mean something. Yet do I really care? No. Because I don't know what it will mean during the great tribulation and Armageddon. Nor in the new system if the need for money will be there. I really don't know.
So learning how to maintain myself via skills and hobbies, trade and wages I continue to put all my trust in Jehovah. Doing the best I can to help him where I need to. Seems as though my family find this truly a sacrifice but I just find humility in it.
Perhaps I am odd. I don't seek fame. I don't seek extravagant gifts. I don't seek education. I seek Jehovah. As much as that annoys my family I continue to seek Jehovah, God for his truths I will feel free of the past paths of wrong.
Still I understand their concerns but I see the system of things differently than they do. Perhaps that is the patience I have for them and the love I have to develop further. Indeed so many things I want to do and they require great amounts of money. I understand some times I have to save, and save long years but its okay. I have learned that is the difference I am from who I was in the world to now in Jehovah's organization.
Learning not to rely on my own understanding... (Proverbs 3:5,6) and trusting to give all to Jehovah. I must give my best to Jehovah and not seek that of which I was prior nor what my family desires.
I must admit this is the hardest thing to do in the world. Yet here I am.
Still clinging to my place at Jehovah's banquet table. How about you? Your past, your present a constant battle? Seek Jehovah through the bible, through jw.org and through prayer.
I know you will find a way and be strong just as Jehovah is making me. Lasting note : Philippians 4:6,7
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