Crawling today
The newest walk. A crawl. Time, alone, will allow you to readjust.
Learn to recall the days of old. Not to rehash the negative but get back to the basics of life.
Destroy the old parts that crumble under the wrong pressure. Look for the new ways to take strength in the lessons. Alas the mind just tumbles into a slow space. A time that just looks in a daze. Perfectly still, only the breath is seen in the exhale.
Truly a simple time to reflex and assess the aches of life, love and career. Is there a point where you want to wash out of your system altogether. I know with me its certain levels of love. Yes I care, I have empathy and sympathy but I don't want the "heart" to ache as it does on some nights. Yet the next day I am just sent a new hello or good morning that makes the waste inside less treacherous.
Yet the mind knows that the cage is snapped, locked and even barred so escaping and letting the wild emotions of a free spirited child, remain neutral. It is so closed I don't even know where to begin to look for the keys.
Alas that is the least of my concern right now. Ah.
Career. The levels of what people in the world discover of covering debt yet remaining in financial ties because of recreation they instilled in their mind, education. Still may even be in a lowly fast food chain. Sad at most, at least.
Me. Well I have two careers. One I love and don't do often. One I have to make do with until life creates better circumstances. Which is which? Love is so many things, most of all the rewards I gain from the simplest pieces of it. Make do with.. Only will mention secular. What more can I say. Its a necessary evil, in a way.
So many days of completely letting go. Dedicating myself to finding bits of joy in the smallest slices of light. Well whatever it is, happiness certainly accompanies me here.
Days upon days I find the treasures of words given, illustrations I never saw before, reach deep inside of me. Shaking my core to unbelievable states. Sincerely enjoy each second that happens. Even the people I am given to seek parts of light from. Just remarkable who is allowed to come into my life.
Even more so are the waves, even the ripples that are played. They bring overwhelming warming bliss towards my eyes, deep inside my spirit. For sure I would burn bright from all this. Yet to many I am cold, uninteresting or quiet. Inferior to some. Yet I don't let too many know how much that hurts. I just smile.
I have to. I have to see the light in that negativity. The crawling I have to do, some day,s to realize I am not a part of their survival. I am just one of the rays of sunlight, hopefully, warming and cheering them. New levels of hope pressed into their minds, if only for a few seconds.
Such a way to see life. Details. I have to be the details. The finer pieces that maybe make up the whole piece of the picture. Just a grain of sand on the beach. Yet you remember the beach so well. The warmth, the water and the sounds of calming peace. That is my part in most people's lives. I am okay with that. I am used where I am needed.
So where, what do I need? I don't really know. I only hope to escape secular into something I am passionate about. Whether it be personally helping someone or just making something for brightened eyes. That is all I can hope for.
So yeah today was a crawling day. I needed today, to separate myself from myself. To really examine parts of me I don't get along with very well. Areas that I always need to seek scriptures to help me understand, then deeper so to research of other ways to put myself back into rights.
Yeah friends of mine, I have searching moments, where I wonder, where would I be without events in my life. Yeah the would have, could have but didn't do knocks me down. Yet I still reflect on the lessons. Oh how I have learned, yearned and expanded to a new Mary.
Still much to learn as a babe. Still growing, until the day I die. I am okay with that. Are you?
Still hope many will remain by my side as I grow, yet I understand I am only a grain of sand to some. I may cry and strive to clear my head of the decided ways but I always hope I am a boulder or the bridge that people can't live without.
Yes. Hints of the heart there. Romantic notions. Yet not really. Big dreams. I hold dear.
Is that so wrong?
Learn to recall the days of old. Not to rehash the negative but get back to the basics of life.
Destroy the old parts that crumble under the wrong pressure. Look for the new ways to take strength in the lessons. Alas the mind just tumbles into a slow space. A time that just looks in a daze. Perfectly still, only the breath is seen in the exhale.
Truly a simple time to reflex and assess the aches of life, love and career. Is there a point where you want to wash out of your system altogether. I know with me its certain levels of love. Yes I care, I have empathy and sympathy but I don't want the "heart" to ache as it does on some nights. Yet the next day I am just sent a new hello or good morning that makes the waste inside less treacherous.
Yet the mind knows that the cage is snapped, locked and even barred so escaping and letting the wild emotions of a free spirited child, remain neutral. It is so closed I don't even know where to begin to look for the keys.
Alas that is the least of my concern right now. Ah.
Career. The levels of what people in the world discover of covering debt yet remaining in financial ties because of recreation they instilled in their mind, education. Still may even be in a lowly fast food chain. Sad at most, at least.
Me. Well I have two careers. One I love and don't do often. One I have to make do with until life creates better circumstances. Which is which? Love is so many things, most of all the rewards I gain from the simplest pieces of it. Make do with.. Only will mention secular. What more can I say. Its a necessary evil, in a way.
So many days of completely letting go. Dedicating myself to finding bits of joy in the smallest slices of light. Well whatever it is, happiness certainly accompanies me here.
Days upon days I find the treasures of words given, illustrations I never saw before, reach deep inside of me. Shaking my core to unbelievable states. Sincerely enjoy each second that happens. Even the people I am given to seek parts of light from. Just remarkable who is allowed to come into my life.
Even more so are the waves, even the ripples that are played. They bring overwhelming warming bliss towards my eyes, deep inside my spirit. For sure I would burn bright from all this. Yet to many I am cold, uninteresting or quiet. Inferior to some. Yet I don't let too many know how much that hurts. I just smile.
I have to. I have to see the light in that negativity. The crawling I have to do, some day,s to realize I am not a part of their survival. I am just one of the rays of sunlight, hopefully, warming and cheering them. New levels of hope pressed into their minds, if only for a few seconds.
Such a way to see life. Details. I have to be the details. The finer pieces that maybe make up the whole piece of the picture. Just a grain of sand on the beach. Yet you remember the beach so well. The warmth, the water and the sounds of calming peace. That is my part in most people's lives. I am okay with that. I am used where I am needed.
So where, what do I need? I don't really know. I only hope to escape secular into something I am passionate about. Whether it be personally helping someone or just making something for brightened eyes. That is all I can hope for.
So yeah today was a crawling day. I needed today, to separate myself from myself. To really examine parts of me I don't get along with very well. Areas that I always need to seek scriptures to help me understand, then deeper so to research of other ways to put myself back into rights.
Yeah friends of mine, I have searching moments, where I wonder, where would I be without events in my life. Yeah the would have, could have but didn't do knocks me down. Yet I still reflect on the lessons. Oh how I have learned, yearned and expanded to a new Mary.
Still much to learn as a babe. Still growing, until the day I die. I am okay with that. Are you?
Still hope many will remain by my side as I grow, yet I understand I am only a grain of sand to some. I may cry and strive to clear my head of the decided ways but I always hope I am a boulder or the bridge that people can't live without.
Yes. Hints of the heart there. Romantic notions. Yet not really. Big dreams. I hold dear.
Is that so wrong?
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