No more mechanical dreams

Sighing as much as I can after learning things. Obviously the treading is too hard and I must back off. Walking slight and not bothersome.
Slowly looking away. Deep exhale as I have to accept these oddities in me. The severed pieces I have to put away. Leaving only positive and feet going forward.
At times I want to scream knowing that I want to say something but I don't.  I need to keep quiet, away. Not to sulk and not to whine.
Just need that heavy sigh to release the anguish that rests inside of me. Exhaling all that pushes at me. Maybe I will finally be calm again.
Ah. I press myself to be obedient and silent. Hope. Look ahead at a smile. Not putting anyone in my circle for fear of dissertion. Clearly forming attachments to anything is a disaster waiting to explode before me.
Looking up.
Looking down.
Staring far out. I lean into the hopes. Maybe the night will bring a hello. Yet nothing seems right. And I just let go.
Allow the tears to roll. Allow the shakes to be heard inside pillows.
Indeed I forget time. Falling asleep to escape. No dreams please.
No. No dreams
None to let me hope of a nod or a little bit of warmth.

Indeed I just find myself laughing and chastising where I could have been better. Surely I am wrong but depth say I am correct.

I have bent too far. Reached too long and now I am sore. I am here but I am not searching.  Not hoping.
Dare I dream of anything but joy.

Walking silently into another room. I pick up my soul and gather my spirit to get ready for a jump. Certainly I want to beg, yet I don't. I don't even bother anymore.
Gets me nowhere but mechanical.