Just another girl in another port

This is just a fiction mixed with some of my emotions.

A girl in every port but I love him still. I let him do what he needs to do. I still feel jealousy but that is who I am. I still cling to the way were, once.  Seems so long ago I was a girl in a port. We have come so far and yet here I am. A regular and a nuisance. I know one day it will be the last time I see him. Alas, I know it was never permanent.

Even though my heart yearned for that commitment,  me tying him down would lose him forever. And here I stand with tears streaming down my face. I don't want to see the reality but I know it has already begun.

The longer he stays away. The more I understand.  I am discarded. I once was an impressive part of his life, his decision and now I am just the girl in the port dreaming.

I understood that would come,but years upon years went by and the hope of my dreams began to form.

Maybe. What if. Can it be?

Still I know now I was foolish to believe I was stability. Possibility that I could be a forever girl.  Oh how I hoped. Still way deep inside me I knew, I knew so well my place.

A girl at a port. Waiting. Hoping. Yet truly believing. Fooled by my treacherous heart. Fooled by falling in love. Truly I didn't know women like me were allowed to have love in our hearts. Truly I thought I would keep that part of me closed. Oh how innocent I really am.

Indeed. I knew when I saw you skipping away from me, I had become a burden to you. Then slowly day by day my lovemaking wasn't enough, or a major disappointment. I understood the signs.  I realized, soon, I would be forgotten.  Just another girl by the port waiting for her lover.

Truly I had forgotten the bargain we struck in the beginning. I had forgotten.  Now cold hard truth hits me. I recognized the light in your eyes. It used to be for me. I recognized the heavy weights on your shoulders.

So yesterday when you kissed my forehead, I was saying my goodbyes.
Had you known you would have stopped me. Yet I couldn't talk to you,  in fact,  we hadn't really talked in months.

Yes it was time to realize my place in your life. Just a good memory. A permanent friend you could call on in your old days,  to laugh to cry and to be held. I knew I had become that woman.

Today I watched as you embraced your new girl. She lights up as I did. You lift her in the air, light as a feather as you hug and filly kiss her. As choked up as I am, I watched until you both entered her doorway. Today I realized just how much my heart hurt, just how much I hoped. Yet I remember I am not allowed that privilege. No strings of long days in your company. No real attachments. I was just another girl in another port.

Today I became a memory to you.