Wow!

Wow!

What can I say but okay. Indeed
flabbergasted that words would be
said.

Wow!

Yet nothing surprises me anymore.
Pain in my head. Typical. Restraints
to stay silent as the thrashing against
soul begins.

Such tenderness then a biting.
Indeed what did you expect -
docile?

Wow!

Still shocked but laughing now
because the irony. Why? Why
be humble? Why care? Why
love? Alas it is expected of me.

Just as the pain rolls deep.
Tearing. Ranking high on the
scale of one to ten. Am
I quaking? No. Just silent.
Allowing the tears to fall.

Creating the window of sarcasm
and self degradation to appear.
Ah ha. Yes. No worth. To you at least.

Wow!

Talk. Talk. Talk. But drive the knife
deeper.  And you remark you are
different then those of my past.
Oh but how your knife kills going in
just as much as it exits.

Over and over. When is enough?
When is the final acceptance going
to be given? When?

Oh indeed worth is not your scale.
Yet nor is appearance. Just reoccurring
dreams and revolving doors.

Wow!

Indeed I "understand" how I fit.
Yet the cracks are - I don't.  Why?
How?

I lay with the wind.  I soar with the
ocean but I don't fit in your hands.
Tragic perhaps but this just makes
me taller, firmer even underneath the
iced lake I am fragile sheets of ice slate.

Still that means nothing to you.
Am I surprised? No. You asked me to
let you in once. I did. I granted you
an insight and now the pulleys
you pull just prove I was a sail
needing wind.

Too bad that the tears actually fall
down my face. Yes for hopes. So
retarded that I actually thought
you were sincere in listening,
sincere in wanting to know all
about me.

Apparently I am just a fool. One
you like to remind of my imperfections
daily. Indeed is that truth of
friendship? 

I don't say a word. My silence is golden.
Just as it expected but why? Who am
I helping. Nobody. Nothing.

So the tears dry up. Stiffening my
cheeks just to make me all itchy.
Perfect as the roll of sniffles
find paper.

Once more I grind a headache into
my mind. No one to blame but myself
for caring too much, too deeply and
hoping too hard.

I hope you care. Alas I laugh.
Finding it's a false hope. Indeed
I am failing in friendships.

Wow!

Remarking the oddness. Stop
planning. Stop telling of hopes and
dreams. Apparently you are too
dense to understand your plans
are false.

You say there is a difference. Yet
I don't see it. Just torn and
crying but that is what you wanted.
Now you can adjust your judgment
by calling me crazy.

Fine. Adjust but define yourself too.
You may just find I am more sane
with my experience, my expectations
than you ever will be.

Show me difference. Show me depth.
Show me truth. Show me.

Indeed some day you will and
I will be listening, just as you have
with me.  Deaf ears.

Wow! Learn. Live. Love.  Ha.
Whatever.