Before a faded newspaper
Once upon a stream. The viewing of light laughter and hope.
The distant awnings so clear and yet noticibly fading. Dare I
destroy the memories of passed hopes?
Once I did and I lost sight of who I was, where I was going
and how I stood in position. So clear was the draining of a wasted
soul. The spirit even was slowly erasing itself. How? Why?
One can only explain in a relaxed sigh. The long ago is gone.
Still sometimes the wind knocks you down. Just begging you
to pay attention to the ground. Never forgetting that is
where you began.
Perhaps that does bother some but for me it was the rude
awakening I so very needed. Just that slap to show I am real.
I do exist and I should be in form. So here the voice become
so loud, so craved.
Still I am curious of those left behind. What will they learn
from the dust I ate? What will the observe from the play
I created, performed and exited quickly? What do they have
to say now that they beg for a long ago encore?
Dare I tell them I was lost? So far from who I began that
even when I looked in the mirror I saw a thin outline of a person.
Once a real dreamer, artist of love and color but now just
a wasted, faded newspaper with decade old stories. How do you
explain that to people?
Simply you don't. Still the heart is heavy with the crushing
I did to many but for once I needed to find me. I could not
help those in front of me without knowing what my name was.
No don't get me wrong. I never wanted to make a name
for myself I just wanted to be real again. Not the wasted
paper tossed away long ago. Struggling to find roots to help
stand me up. No I didn't fall but I almost died.
Perhaps to some, maybe that was a good thing. I dried up
to be nothing. Noteworthy to only the jab of their shoe or
the coarseness of their hated words. Still, yes, I endured.
Yet one day I broke. Dying inside I planned and planned.
Perhaps wrongly but air was a necessity to keep moving and
there is only so much a woman can do to stand tall after
so many nasty words.
Yes I broke. I fell down, finally. Taking that last breath
in hopes death was nearby. So that a graceful exit was
declared safe. Still I did not die. I still endured. Why?
I screamed that repeatedly internally.
Only Jehovah knows that answer. He held me up and
found me. Gave me deeper hope inside. Drawing
me tighter to him I was able to see that my mistakes
carry but I should not worry about them. Yes learn from
them, hope never to repeat. Still I felt lost.
Not because of the distance but of the heartache
I created on two small innocent ones. Now the
mind corrects me so. Saying yes learn, yes observe,
yes hope and yes dream.
Still sometimes the ache is there and the tears
give way because the dispair of dreaming one day
a bright reunion of happiness is held. Perhaps
it is a bit frightful but I know I will be okay.
Indeed I find a leaning calm. The peace found
in nature, in a walk, in a prayer. Yes a bit of
softness as I smile in kind memories before
darkness overcame my mind, my spirit. Yes I
want to explain to those two innocents I left
behind why, how.
Yet to whether they listen or not, I cannot
be weighed down by the possible negativity.
Nevertheless I know I get them in Paradise.
To me, that has to remain my hope, my goal.
Anything else that precedes that I will jump
in joy.
Ah to taste the kindness in that loving moment.
Yes I look forward to it.
So my small innocents, yet not so small anymore,
I love you so dearly. My mind recalls every
second I gained with you. Am I here really,
do I love? Yes, yes.
One day the reality will be seen. Death was
welcomed once, now life. I hope you will
understand the smiles within this moment.
Soon to create a memory in words.
Yes I will look forward to each and
every second. The breaking no longer lingers.
The hatred of coarseness is no longer
to affect me like it should. Only love
prevails. One day you will see.
Ah the treasure in love, in kindness,
in patience and in endurance. A good
collection of lessons I hold dear.
My sighs find hopes. My faith keeps
me afloat and my trust in Jehovah
helps me sing, dance, dream one
more day.
Yes I am grateful for the small opening in being found.
Being hugged and loved. Indeed I found a warm home and
look forward to the yes to come rolling down my path.
Only a matter of time, patience and hope.
Indeed I have those.
The distant awnings so clear and yet noticibly fading. Dare I
destroy the memories of passed hopes?
Once I did and I lost sight of who I was, where I was going
and how I stood in position. So clear was the draining of a wasted
soul. The spirit even was slowly erasing itself. How? Why?
One can only explain in a relaxed sigh. The long ago is gone.
Still sometimes the wind knocks you down. Just begging you
to pay attention to the ground. Never forgetting that is
where you began.
Perhaps that does bother some but for me it was the rude
awakening I so very needed. Just that slap to show I am real.
I do exist and I should be in form. So here the voice become
so loud, so craved.
Still I am curious of those left behind. What will they learn
from the dust I ate? What will the observe from the play
I created, performed and exited quickly? What do they have
to say now that they beg for a long ago encore?
Dare I tell them I was lost? So far from who I began that
even when I looked in the mirror I saw a thin outline of a person.
Once a real dreamer, artist of love and color but now just
a wasted, faded newspaper with decade old stories. How do you
explain that to people?
Simply you don't. Still the heart is heavy with the crushing
I did to many but for once I needed to find me. I could not
help those in front of me without knowing what my name was.
No don't get me wrong. I never wanted to make a name
for myself I just wanted to be real again. Not the wasted
paper tossed away long ago. Struggling to find roots to help
stand me up. No I didn't fall but I almost died.
Perhaps to some, maybe that was a good thing. I dried up
to be nothing. Noteworthy to only the jab of their shoe or
the coarseness of their hated words. Still, yes, I endured.
Yet one day I broke. Dying inside I planned and planned.
Perhaps wrongly but air was a necessity to keep moving and
there is only so much a woman can do to stand tall after
so many nasty words.
Yes I broke. I fell down, finally. Taking that last breath
in hopes death was nearby. So that a graceful exit was
declared safe. Still I did not die. I still endured. Why?
I screamed that repeatedly internally.
Only Jehovah knows that answer. He held me up and
found me. Gave me deeper hope inside. Drawing
me tighter to him I was able to see that my mistakes
carry but I should not worry about them. Yes learn from
them, hope never to repeat. Still I felt lost.
Not because of the distance but of the heartache
I created on two small innocent ones. Now the
mind corrects me so. Saying yes learn, yes observe,
yes hope and yes dream.
Still sometimes the ache is there and the tears
give way because the dispair of dreaming one day
a bright reunion of happiness is held. Perhaps
it is a bit frightful but I know I will be okay.
Indeed I find a leaning calm. The peace found
in nature, in a walk, in a prayer. Yes a bit of
softness as I smile in kind memories before
darkness overcame my mind, my spirit. Yes I
want to explain to those two innocents I left
behind why, how.
Yet to whether they listen or not, I cannot
be weighed down by the possible negativity.
Nevertheless I know I get them in Paradise.
To me, that has to remain my hope, my goal.
Anything else that precedes that I will jump
in joy.
Ah to taste the kindness in that loving moment.
Yes I look forward to it.
So my small innocents, yet not so small anymore,
I love you so dearly. My mind recalls every
second I gained with you. Am I here really,
do I love? Yes, yes.
One day the reality will be seen. Death was
welcomed once, now life. I hope you will
understand the smiles within this moment.
Soon to create a memory in words.
Yes I will look forward to each and
every second. The breaking no longer lingers.
The hatred of coarseness is no longer
to affect me like it should. Only love
prevails. One day you will see.
Ah the treasure in love, in kindness,
in patience and in endurance. A good
collection of lessons I hold dear.
My sighs find hopes. My faith keeps
me afloat and my trust in Jehovah
helps me sing, dance, dream one
more day.
Yes I am grateful for the small opening in being found.
Being hugged and loved. Indeed I found a warm home and
look forward to the yes to come rolling down my path.
Only a matter of time, patience and hope.
Indeed I have those.
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