Awakened by tears

I lay here wide awake with questions
rolling in my head. Heart is
pounding. Oh how the tears dried for
a while.

Not clear on anything except the first
steps.  Always the hardest. A smile I
must always make. Soon the eyes
of charcoal blue stands staring at
the hidden light.

Indeed I want to hide but then
sickness overcomes me as I think of
doing so. Perhaps that is how it must
be.

Always helping me say fine or good
with some conviction. I lightly chuckle
as the irony tries to create sarcasm.

Still I move forward in my thoughts.
Who would have understood the
pain included in such transitions.
Alas it doesn't matter.

I lay here just listening to the grumble
of my stomach in hopes sleep will find
me again.

I said my hellos but the tears scream
my pain. Still I remain respectful
of your world. Not finding any hooks
to snare you.

For then I would not be kind. Surely I
hope for a long day curled under
covers. Not hiding. Not feeling. Not
doing anything but sleep.

Just sighs in imagination. Knowing
some dreams are false. The shivers
that echo over me, ahh. Indeed
the darkened morning I will stare
at the ceiling until sleep becomes
me once more.