When you try to help but see cycles
What really gets me is that I show too much of myself to the wrong people. I now understand I am a convenience for some.
And as much as I want to say "I told you so" to myself I want to also give the benefit of the doubt to people. Yet I still find myself seeing that undertone that isn't spoken but is speaking a thousand screams.
When I find myself recognizing the repeats of the past I just let go. I walk away. Thinking I was helping but realizing I was only being used. It's that moment when you just inhale and exhale and just press forward.
Not involving yourself in any person's life. Maintaining yourself by going forward and forgetting that you were willing to drop everything for someone. Only to remind yourself that they just aren't worth it. They have other people that will help them.
And when you find yourself in a crying fit because you hoped they were different, well just allow that moment to come. Settle inside your mind that once you finally shed every last tear, you can move freely.
Not holding back any part of yourself.
That is the joy that I find today. If I meant something to people they would not hold back. They would not make me sit and wonder. They would confirm. Yet what can they when they don't even know themselves.
So many people are trying to find themselves. Me, on the other hand, I found myself. I am working towards getting to the goal. Not letting anyone stand in my way.
I thought that helping others was the way to go but seeing that I just can't dent some. Well I admit I am severely sad but I just exhale and push towards my goals. Hoping that they find whatever they need to pursue their goals.
Just in process - without me.
I sometimes play dumb or quiet just so I don't have to read a person. Yet it always comes back to the routines and the cycles. They play such a value on my limitation I have.
I clearly don't want to break myself helping someone. I did that way too much and I have gained an ocean full of experience. People shouldn't have to experience things to learn. They should only have to read about it to know to stand clear,
Yet today I have discovered, I once again, experienced a new thing. And now I am letting go.
Moving away and onward.
Tired of just being kind to some. I will always love people but I also am trying to maintain some sort of distance. To keep myself safe and pursuing my own goals.
This is the greatest achievement but the least seen one. And I am just fine in not being noticed.
And as much as I want to say "I told you so" to myself I want to also give the benefit of the doubt to people. Yet I still find myself seeing that undertone that isn't spoken but is speaking a thousand screams.
When I find myself recognizing the repeats of the past I just let go. I walk away. Thinking I was helping but realizing I was only being used. It's that moment when you just inhale and exhale and just press forward.
Not involving yourself in any person's life. Maintaining yourself by going forward and forgetting that you were willing to drop everything for someone. Only to remind yourself that they just aren't worth it. They have other people that will help them.
And when you find yourself in a crying fit because you hoped they were different, well just allow that moment to come. Settle inside your mind that once you finally shed every last tear, you can move freely.
Not holding back any part of yourself.
That is the joy that I find today. If I meant something to people they would not hold back. They would not make me sit and wonder. They would confirm. Yet what can they when they don't even know themselves.
So many people are trying to find themselves. Me, on the other hand, I found myself. I am working towards getting to the goal. Not letting anyone stand in my way.
I thought that helping others was the way to go but seeing that I just can't dent some. Well I admit I am severely sad but I just exhale and push towards my goals. Hoping that they find whatever they need to pursue their goals.
Just in process - without me.
I sometimes play dumb or quiet just so I don't have to read a person. Yet it always comes back to the routines and the cycles. They play such a value on my limitation I have.
I clearly don't want to break myself helping someone. I did that way too much and I have gained an ocean full of experience. People shouldn't have to experience things to learn. They should only have to read about it to know to stand clear,
Yet today I have discovered, I once again, experienced a new thing. And now I am letting go.
Moving away and onward.
Tired of just being kind to some. I will always love people but I also am trying to maintain some sort of distance. To keep myself safe and pursuing my own goals.
This is the greatest achievement but the least seen one. And I am just fine in not being noticed.
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