Is it possible to teach

When you sit and explain things out to others I never realized just how exhausting that could be. On top of opening yourself up for vunerability the escapes of the troubles seem to sink in. Just how far from perfect you really are. This kind reminder of how we all are learning. 

All of us are far from the perfection range that daily if not hourly inspection of ourselves is necessary to keep maintaining some sort of existence in a cruel world. That is how I had to stop lecturing someone, today. Where do I fit into the scheme of instructing? I mean I am so far from perfect that even I question if the experience I have in certain areas is enough to teach, talk to someone and help them not go down my same path. 

It seems as though I am still a baby walking but I am a grown woman. These things are the rumbling reminders inside my mind today. How could I stand in front of someone with my failing and prove to them that I am still capable of helping them lead and learn from my fall?

I sat here for a good ten minutes trying to find the right words to explain to someone how I turned around. Yet I know even in my explanation, I am still turning around. I haven't gotten to that one eighty or three sixty turn yet. I am still at one hundred or one fifty. Stil am I even qualified to help someone out if I am falling short of my own teachings?

Then I sat for a while and said to myself, after a silent prayer, if my failings helps someone not fall is that not good? Then I realized I am reasoning for myself. Not good. Such a wonder if I am any good. And then I realize that my experiences should teach me to be more reliant on what Jehovah teaches me. And then I realized that I have gone much further than I expected. As I stated I thought I was only one hundred or one fifty but it is possible I am further along than I notice.  Only for the fact that Jehovah sees me thoroughly. 

I am always growing. Even though at times the lesson is slow or I am incapable of grasping all sides of the lesson. Still the idea of latching onto one piece and clinging to it is truly a welcoming comfort. 

Yet I look over the moment when I was speaking to someone. Perhaps my failings, my fall really opens their eyes. And my tests really are theirs. Its truly a fine gift that Jehovah gives. 

As fragile as I am right now, I am surprised in Jehovah. He has given me this opportunity to express my life, my failings, my fall to someone. Futhering that hope that one day I will be back at his table, seated and talking to Noah, Esther, Job and asking them how they maintain their faith in such wicked times.

That is one of my hopes. That and my family coming back to greet me. 

Yet how does this thought drift back to me opening up myself to teach someone? Well it comes down to being worthy of Jehovah's approval. Truly if I am not worthy of that then how can I teach someone else. And to say I am not worthy is to say that I have more power than Jehovah, which I do not. 

So if I am capable of explaining my life even the darkest of dark then I understand that Jehovah is using me. I am ever grateful for being used to teach.  Are you not?

So even in my doubts of not being correct myself I can still help someone. For me that is HUGE. Truly a remarkable thing. 

So today I gave my tidbit or tender morsels of life experience to someone, explaining that I am still in a learning process myself. Just loving how remarkable every part of the adventure is.

Lets just end this poem in something I left with the person I was helping. Just think, I lived in the world for 37 yrs. Striving, breathing and just maintaining some sort of existence. Thinking that everything in my life was normal, even the darkness. Yet once you taste the truth and it sprinkles into your blood and thoughts, you want more. You crave to learn more. You yearn to learn and live.

And when, if you fail or fall out, when you finally immerse yourself back into the truth the sprinkling you once had, starts tingling. Then it spreads like wildfire throughout your spirit. Digging grand roots. This is the energy called holy spirit helping you quench your thirst of Jehovah, Jesus and all of Jehovah's words. 

See I am still learning. I am capable of being used to teach. And as much as I want it to be today, I still am held back because I need to make a few more adjustments. Then I will leap forward. Just wait.

One day is sooner than I know. And that is truly amazing.