Cat naps
In all that I am I still cat napped. No full sleep has come. Perhaps the Friday will truly speak volumes to me.
One can truly hold onto truth there. My mind is going a million miles a second. Causing such intense pressure to form. No matter how hard I try some things just won't leave me alone.
Thoughts. People.
Just want my mind to close for a short time so that I can keep my immunity in check. Yet here I am feeling wide awake after a 30 minute nap. I was hoping to get in the full 6 hours. Ugh!
And still I sigh for the fact of those people in my mind. Why? Why bother asking how are they doing? Nothing like that should even entertain my mind. Yet it does.
Then I begin to think of home, family and a place to keep myself busy. Even a slow bore so that something drains me. Just enough to find a night of sleep.
Yet because I think and think all ceases to have a defined meaning except to be determined to research and figure out. But then I begin to wonder what is the urgency?
And then I have to say another prayer for the time I did spend asleep. Not deeply but something. And even as I yawn, holding back the relaxation I crave, I learn more about parts of me that really need to be worked on.
To me it is funny when thinking of these people, that got my mind all wired. To say the least, they entered my prayers too. For I have no idea why they were brought to front and center of my memories.
Yet to think of them I see hope. I experience joy. Then I realize that is why my heart beats 92 instead of 72. Exhaling I find myself immersed deeply in a form of stripping the boxes clear inside my head. One by one I close or lock away parts.
All in this tiny hope of just another hour without dreams nor thoughts screaming inside of me.
Perhaps someone gets what I am saying and can actually relate. For my soul is sore and my spirit is tired. Yet the heart is quiet and at peace. The mind is the only thing chattering loudly.
All I want is to have someone reach and say, wow I get it. Yet to acknowledge my question would be horrific, I am sure. Yes overdramatized but truth.
Anyone listening, still wide awake? Still drowning in thoughts? Trying to slice off the rapid browsers? Ah. I try, truly.
Though even in this very second those people stroll through my thoughts again and trickle down through the memories. How am I supposed to maintain strength and health when I am constantly fighting to have some sleep?
Alas I don't try to understand. I just let all be. For the hope is high and possibly attainable. So I continue to pray over this loss and all these people. Hoping that makes the brain ease and soften enough to find a dreamworld again.
Smile, I do because even though I am at a loss for strength I gained sweet memories and lots of love. How can I deny the fact that one voice, several words and a hug could mean so much.
Encouragement is how I must maintain the positive view of this situation. Adding fuel to the glow I must keep seeing every aspect of life this way.
Maintaining so sort of calm or peace that radiates joy. Else I will drown in my pool of muck. In which I would rather not.
So sure I am stuck here, wide awake, and in a few hours finding myself toned for a 6hr day. Sure I laugh. Sure I wonder what the pull is. Then I just have to think on all the reason why some, more than others, decorate my dreams and thoughts.
And just be content they are always there. That is something I will put as a goal, perhaps, even test myself with the endurance to be at a level to cope. Finding another route to gain strength and maintain my immunity.
Ah alas thirst rings in and the day jumps forward. Pulling myself from warm covers I just say, okay let's begin.
With that I hold onto a hope. So smile with me as I laugh and begin the day.
Cat naps are fun right?
One can truly hold onto truth there. My mind is going a million miles a second. Causing such intense pressure to form. No matter how hard I try some things just won't leave me alone.
Thoughts. People.
Just want my mind to close for a short time so that I can keep my immunity in check. Yet here I am feeling wide awake after a 30 minute nap. I was hoping to get in the full 6 hours. Ugh!
And still I sigh for the fact of those people in my mind. Why? Why bother asking how are they doing? Nothing like that should even entertain my mind. Yet it does.
Then I begin to think of home, family and a place to keep myself busy. Even a slow bore so that something drains me. Just enough to find a night of sleep.
Yet because I think and think all ceases to have a defined meaning except to be determined to research and figure out. But then I begin to wonder what is the urgency?
And then I have to say another prayer for the time I did spend asleep. Not deeply but something. And even as I yawn, holding back the relaxation I crave, I learn more about parts of me that really need to be worked on.
To me it is funny when thinking of these people, that got my mind all wired. To say the least, they entered my prayers too. For I have no idea why they were brought to front and center of my memories.
Yet to think of them I see hope. I experience joy. Then I realize that is why my heart beats 92 instead of 72. Exhaling I find myself immersed deeply in a form of stripping the boxes clear inside my head. One by one I close or lock away parts.
All in this tiny hope of just another hour without dreams nor thoughts screaming inside of me.
Perhaps someone gets what I am saying and can actually relate. For my soul is sore and my spirit is tired. Yet the heart is quiet and at peace. The mind is the only thing chattering loudly.
All I want is to have someone reach and say, wow I get it. Yet to acknowledge my question would be horrific, I am sure. Yes overdramatized but truth.
Anyone listening, still wide awake? Still drowning in thoughts? Trying to slice off the rapid browsers? Ah. I try, truly.
Though even in this very second those people stroll through my thoughts again and trickle down through the memories. How am I supposed to maintain strength and health when I am constantly fighting to have some sleep?
Alas I don't try to understand. I just let all be. For the hope is high and possibly attainable. So I continue to pray over this loss and all these people. Hoping that makes the brain ease and soften enough to find a dreamworld again.
Smile, I do because even though I am at a loss for strength I gained sweet memories and lots of love. How can I deny the fact that one voice, several words and a hug could mean so much.
Encouragement is how I must maintain the positive view of this situation. Adding fuel to the glow I must keep seeing every aspect of life this way.
Maintaining so sort of calm or peace that radiates joy. Else I will drown in my pool of muck. In which I would rather not.
So sure I am stuck here, wide awake, and in a few hours finding myself toned for a 6hr day. Sure I laugh. Sure I wonder what the pull is. Then I just have to think on all the reason why some, more than others, decorate my dreams and thoughts.
And just be content they are always there. That is something I will put as a goal, perhaps, even test myself with the endurance to be at a level to cope. Finding another route to gain strength and maintain my immunity.
Ah alas thirst rings in and the day jumps forward. Pulling myself from warm covers I just say, okay let's begin.
With that I hold onto a hope. So smile with me as I laugh and begin the day.
Cat naps are fun right?
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