A look back
I look back over the year, even last 6 months. Even as I have seen grand turmoil and even at my own hands I still realize just how happy I am now.
But how can I be in this state of bliss? See the reality is that I have broken free from so many molded forms of myself. It is the simplest pieces that have brought me to the greatest joy.
Yet how does my spirit shine this magnificent? Oh it through opening myself up and dissecting all parts of me, good, bad and nasty. See the best part of the tearing was being able to understand some parts of my darkness and accept that I will have to grow from that.
At first pretty daunting and downright scary. Especially telling family members some deeply hidden blackness. In those moment of terror, I found the strength in prayer. The courage I gain was for certain, not my own.
And even more so when I found that death could be just around the next bend in the day. Truly a remarkable breakthrough. Yet through it all, up to this very day, the most delightful piece of it all was finding my way back toward Jehovah. A slow journey but nevertheless one I am enjoying.
So to sit here with all the roughness tumbling through my life, nothing scares me but Jehovah not allowing me to be a part of his family, to be truly his child.
And that is the goal I hold dear. Not pushing beyond my boundaries. Only pressing in prayer my greatest anxieties and worries.
Sure I cry everyday because there is another breath given. Each day I have an urgency but I am unclear on where my path is in the journey. I hope not near the end.
And when the questions in my mind find answers I will open further and faster.
Yet today, first, I must rest so the new day can begin. So until that slumber in the last letter of the alphabet rolls I continue to hope urgency is heard.
All I can do is hope, pray, meditate and apply.
Onward to holding fast to my goals and hopefully Jehovah answers my prayers .
I smile. Saying good night.
But how can I be in this state of bliss? See the reality is that I have broken free from so many molded forms of myself. It is the simplest pieces that have brought me to the greatest joy.
Yet how does my spirit shine this magnificent? Oh it through opening myself up and dissecting all parts of me, good, bad and nasty. See the best part of the tearing was being able to understand some parts of my darkness and accept that I will have to grow from that.
At first pretty daunting and downright scary. Especially telling family members some deeply hidden blackness. In those moment of terror, I found the strength in prayer. The courage I gain was for certain, not my own.
And even more so when I found that death could be just around the next bend in the day. Truly a remarkable breakthrough. Yet through it all, up to this very day, the most delightful piece of it all was finding my way back toward Jehovah. A slow journey but nevertheless one I am enjoying.
So to sit here with all the roughness tumbling through my life, nothing scares me but Jehovah not allowing me to be a part of his family, to be truly his child.
And that is the goal I hold dear. Not pushing beyond my boundaries. Only pressing in prayer my greatest anxieties and worries.
Sure I cry everyday because there is another breath given. Each day I have an urgency but I am unclear on where my path is in the journey. I hope not near the end.
And when the questions in my mind find answers I will open further and faster.
Yet today, first, I must rest so the new day can begin. So until that slumber in the last letter of the alphabet rolls I continue to hope urgency is heard.
All I can do is hope, pray, meditate and apply.
Onward to holding fast to my goals and hopefully Jehovah answers my prayers .
I smile. Saying good night.
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