A bit of loneliness

            Little by little pieces of me flake off. The layers
find empty waves of air too strong to maintain position.
Clearly I just want to scream. Yet I do not. I admit the
pain, the hurt that is forming all around me yet is there
anything that can be done?

            I ask as though an open discussion yet it is not.
I do hurt ~ me, others. Squeezing the last bits of juice
from ripe fruit, friendships. Then being me, I walk
away. Some even say callously.

            Forms of desperation stab at me from inside.
Eating away at the vibrance of a voice. Then cleansing
myself once more of the despair. Closing the door.
Giving forgiveness, pridefully not asking for it in
return.

            Hiding, in fact, that some freely give it yet
I don't believe I deserve any of it. ah the sounds of
worth. The crumbling wall crashes suddenly. I am
exposed and very vunerable. What a terrifying prospect,
indeed.

          Though it really is not. Just the factor of being
finally capable of expressing what I want, what I am
feeling ~ such a grand idea.

          Oh though my hesitation find roots and digs deep.
The reason why my voice has choked every single time. No
sound exits no, not even a sigh. Just that of rattling
steam and nerves to the point of exhaustion. Still
I keep going. Why I ask?

          The mind, the conscience demands it. Ah I must
even though the tears wail and the silence is thunderous.
I still continue. So this is the understanding of why
I can only name one or two who are friends. True ones.

                  Though do they really know me?

         I find myself cackling at the prospective answers.
The noise of echoing sarcasm reign over me.

         Ah the fog of pain closes and the ear tumble in
stained drums. Hoping, I am, for someone to truly,
genuinely sit down and ask me all that is pressing me.
Still, I think, even I would hesitate. Being unclear if
they would laugh at how silly or simple my weights are.

                Oh I try so hard to be quiet.
                        When asked all is well.
                            Yet my eyes lie, telling the true depth.

        Respect, communication and love mean so much to
me. Grand importance to the point of nausea. Yet even
I am only communicating the best I can ~ via pen
and parchment. No voice.

       Ah the wonder of many thoughts and still pain
scratches as the core. So badly the repair of a voice
and still I am silent. Is that just a barrier, a
strength ~ what?

       So clearly I need people to hear me. Ah indeed
Jehovah knows this, understands and gives me the
rare one who does listen aside from him. No
complaints except those moments of being a brat and
I am left alone in my worst. Ah though those are the
times need is high yet the companion is so loved even
at distances.

       And the quietly a question is asked. Recently I
have been incapable of expressing all that pulls at
me but one day, yes one day all will be laid out.
Though the inquiry is ~ will they be ready to listen to
it all?

      The layers I allowed to fall will finally echo, exiting
in the form they began.

      Imitation, expressions of named moments will
fade. In this, I hope, brings upon a lengthy conversation.
Hints of joy and lots of laughter. Followed by hugs.

       Though I inquire, did I push too far in my hopes?
Perhaps but I am still allowed to have them.

       So I implore you to seek me. Love, hope, need,
want and dream of, for me.

       Yes I find hope in my dispair. I see the sky, the
stars. I see far above and I see here. Just, there must,
be a voice.

       So indeed I may hurt. I still breathe. I still hope
for glimmer of light. I still will reach. I still will love,
want and need. For it is known.

       Is it heard? No. Is it seen? No. Is it felt? Yes in
daggers. Yet I am told wait. Patience screams deaf
words.

        So here I am. Some parts understood and some
a hope in progress. Do you still need me?