Release the negativity
Once again I battled against this angry personality to view my meeting and I didn't win. In fact I had to get in the car and drive away. All because I knew my life would be safer inside a car. Why do I cry so much from this? Why do I feel so much frustration? Why can there be no peace?
Ah I create a headache that opens into a migraine and then I just sigh. Hoping that, soon, there will be a break. Yes I am in constant hope and prayers. I keep finding ways, at work, to read my bible. To find avenues I can have to understand and apply the Christ like attitude to this great opposition.
And still I see in so many ways, how I am failing. Today took the cake. I was so lost. My mother told me to just drive. Forget about the negativity that is projected inside this house. Drive. Find peace inside God's beauty. Enjoy the car ride. When we got back I saw how kind the opposer was. Not sure if this was a game she was playing. Clearly I didn't want to let her think I was falling for it. However I did respond with kindness.
I remained chipper and bouncy all in the hopes that my meeting being over would soothe her into another subject. Unfortunately she was cruel by asking of the meeting and if I had learned anything that could be applied to our situation. I just told her that applying love to those who hurt and expressing hope in prayers always helps our situation. This irritated her.
I do not intend to press her by any means. If being loving, kind, patient and quiet is the wrong route then please do tell me the correct one. I am only trying to calm her anger and her objection long enough. I pray that the backlash hits me and not my mother. That is my biggest hope. For now I have recognized I am capable of surpassing certain aspect of her behavior but my mother is still unaware of certain levels. I would not want to see my mother hurt at my cost.
So now as I am still trying to release the negativity. Trying to shed all out of my system so I can pray in depth and rest well. These moments of exhale I lean into what I recall of those who overcame objection. I am just hoping that one day all will be good and I can look back from this experience and be strong.
Until then I sneak in prayers, reading and videos to uplifting. For now that is what is allowed.
Ah I create a headache that opens into a migraine and then I just sigh. Hoping that, soon, there will be a break. Yes I am in constant hope and prayers. I keep finding ways, at work, to read my bible. To find avenues I can have to understand and apply the Christ like attitude to this great opposition.
And still I see in so many ways, how I am failing. Today took the cake. I was so lost. My mother told me to just drive. Forget about the negativity that is projected inside this house. Drive. Find peace inside God's beauty. Enjoy the car ride. When we got back I saw how kind the opposer was. Not sure if this was a game she was playing. Clearly I didn't want to let her think I was falling for it. However I did respond with kindness.
I remained chipper and bouncy all in the hopes that my meeting being over would soothe her into another subject. Unfortunately she was cruel by asking of the meeting and if I had learned anything that could be applied to our situation. I just told her that applying love to those who hurt and expressing hope in prayers always helps our situation. This irritated her.
I do not intend to press her by any means. If being loving, kind, patient and quiet is the wrong route then please do tell me the correct one. I am only trying to calm her anger and her objection long enough. I pray that the backlash hits me and not my mother. That is my biggest hope. For now I have recognized I am capable of surpassing certain aspect of her behavior but my mother is still unaware of certain levels. I would not want to see my mother hurt at my cost.
So now as I am still trying to release the negativity. Trying to shed all out of my system so I can pray in depth and rest well. These moments of exhale I lean into what I recall of those who overcame objection. I am just hoping that one day all will be good and I can look back from this experience and be strong.
Until then I sneak in prayers, reading and videos to uplifting. For now that is what is allowed.
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