Not sorry, don't ask me to be
I cannot imagine what was so important that you wait all day to say something to me. Then only to bring up stuff you can't even be honest with yourself about, only to recollect on something a fantasy may have been like.
Why would I dare entertain speaking to anyone well into the night hours when the next voice that comes across is a few weeks down the road? I am not here to stroke an ego or unbore someone with how my day has gone. Nor am I here to listen to someone roll over and over about how they support and love me only to make me think I am a weak, simple person.
No. No.
I am not sorry for voicing who I am now. I am honest with myself. I recognize my faults, my weaknesses and I move forward. Striving to change them the best I know how. And by any means, if that upsets or "bores"you, there is the good night words.
I don't have time to look back over the past. I have to focus what I need to change now, how to go forward in my actions. Sure looking back works well if that is where it stays, the past. And yes that is where it stays.
Sure honesty within myself helps carry a conversation with others and some times I may even shock a person with the frankness of my words. I am not afraid. The only thing I fear is God. So for someone to think I am going to rehash all my ways of years before, think again. It is a fantasy or dreaming that I would rather not open.
Because what it boils down to is that there is no changing what happened then and I didn't get what I hoped for. Surely I would not want to become the tired spirit I once was all for what never can be. So back away from the lively conversations about "then" for I do not want to relive if no fruit is the results of words.
I daresay I sound snobby or angry but by my own heart I know that my mind rules. Truthfully I won't go back because there is never going to be a confirmation of my hopes. So I am chucking them into a bin of rubbish. Best sound is the clinking of glass, metal and feelings. Drowned from a mind full of good standards. Perhaps they are too high for you. Though, that is your problem not mine. I am different.
I can hear and I can listen. I can encourage and bring scriptures to you. However I am not your dumping grounds. I am not the person you can initiate a lengthy conversation to about something I did four or ten years ago. I know my weaknesses. I know my flaws. I also know my self preservation. I am stabilizing my self discipline.
So do not ask me to say I am sorry. Do not ask me to go back only so you can feel gratification. Do not ask me to rekindle some sort of fantasy. I am not that person. I am honest with myself. Are you?
Why would I dare entertain speaking to anyone well into the night hours when the next voice that comes across is a few weeks down the road? I am not here to stroke an ego or unbore someone with how my day has gone. Nor am I here to listen to someone roll over and over about how they support and love me only to make me think I am a weak, simple person.
No. No.
I am not sorry for voicing who I am now. I am honest with myself. I recognize my faults, my weaknesses and I move forward. Striving to change them the best I know how. And by any means, if that upsets or "bores"you, there is the good night words.
I don't have time to look back over the past. I have to focus what I need to change now, how to go forward in my actions. Sure looking back works well if that is where it stays, the past. And yes that is where it stays.
Sure honesty within myself helps carry a conversation with others and some times I may even shock a person with the frankness of my words. I am not afraid. The only thing I fear is God. So for someone to think I am going to rehash all my ways of years before, think again. It is a fantasy or dreaming that I would rather not open.
Because what it boils down to is that there is no changing what happened then and I didn't get what I hoped for. Surely I would not want to become the tired spirit I once was all for what never can be. So back away from the lively conversations about "then" for I do not want to relive if no fruit is the results of words.
I daresay I sound snobby or angry but by my own heart I know that my mind rules. Truthfully I won't go back because there is never going to be a confirmation of my hopes. So I am chucking them into a bin of rubbish. Best sound is the clinking of glass, metal and feelings. Drowned from a mind full of good standards. Perhaps they are too high for you. Though, that is your problem not mine. I am different.
I can hear and I can listen. I can encourage and bring scriptures to you. However I am not your dumping grounds. I am not the person you can initiate a lengthy conversation to about something I did four or ten years ago. I know my weaknesses. I know my flaws. I also know my self preservation. I am stabilizing my self discipline.
So do not ask me to say I am sorry. Do not ask me to go back only so you can feel gratification. Do not ask me to rekindle some sort of fantasy. I am not that person. I am honest with myself. Are you?
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