Morning thought
Last few days have been a wild ride. Found out things about family I don't think I want to hold onto. Even more so is just how much of an individual I am against parts of a small group.
Clearly I don't fit in with all my cousins. Yet when the attempt to make reunions I find that the wall is there. Not only because of this hostile environment but because I don't back down.
Sure I let a lot of it slide but constant verbal abuse can only be pushed aside for so long. My mind is exploding with all the negativity thrown at me.
And even in my times where I give excuse for behavior unbecoming of others, turning the hatred into something positive and forgiving them for their in depth grinding. I am assaulted with the darkness they have been holding down.
Why put myself back into a situation that makes me feel not even a millimeter big?
And I sit here this morning thinking of all the positives one person can have to push passed my bedroom door. Just so a smile can be settled across my face.
Who knew just how much one person could dislike another. And here I am trying to find ways to love. In most situation people would have walked away. Given up hope and shoved their experience with this person, out the door.
And believe me when I say I am certain my cousins who visit, sign when they escape. This brings me sadness but gives me hope. One day I too will get to say have a nice day and go elsewhere to be defined as safe.
But for now I am just maintaining the peace. Probably the best Christian way to go. Continuing to love when be assaulted with verbal and emotional abuse from an 77yr woman.
What else can I do?
So my thought this morning is: people out there are worse off than me. That is how I know I can keep going. And as I say my thanksgivings I put in for a bit of strength too.
So smile with me as I keep my head up through the words that can slaughter a person emotionally. Help me to maintain joy in darkness. Finding light in the best slivers as possible.
That is my grand morning thought, and you? What is yours?
Clearly I don't fit in with all my cousins. Yet when the attempt to make reunions I find that the wall is there. Not only because of this hostile environment but because I don't back down.
Sure I let a lot of it slide but constant verbal abuse can only be pushed aside for so long. My mind is exploding with all the negativity thrown at me.
And even in my times where I give excuse for behavior unbecoming of others, turning the hatred into something positive and forgiving them for their in depth grinding. I am assaulted with the darkness they have been holding down.
Why put myself back into a situation that makes me feel not even a millimeter big?
And I sit here this morning thinking of all the positives one person can have to push passed my bedroom door. Just so a smile can be settled across my face.
Who knew just how much one person could dislike another. And here I am trying to find ways to love. In most situation people would have walked away. Given up hope and shoved their experience with this person, out the door.
And believe me when I say I am certain my cousins who visit, sign when they escape. This brings me sadness but gives me hope. One day I too will get to say have a nice day and go elsewhere to be defined as safe.
But for now I am just maintaining the peace. Probably the best Christian way to go. Continuing to love when be assaulted with verbal and emotional abuse from an 77yr woman.
What else can I do?
So my thought this morning is: people out there are worse off than me. That is how I know I can keep going. And as I say my thanksgivings I put in for a bit of strength too.
So smile with me as I keep my head up through the words that can slaughter a person emotionally. Help me to maintain joy in darkness. Finding light in the best slivers as possible.
That is my grand morning thought, and you? What is yours?
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