Constant thinking
The way the day followed today was remarkably silent. This day was calming and every bit of it was delightful except the tad bit of a disagreement. Still the roughness is that walking away when you know that the blame isn't on you.
Taking a deep breath and just walking away is the best solution. Yet even as I sit here recalling over the rest of the day I find myself wondering how I could have made the disagreement, altogether, disappear. What steps I need to take to not step onto this live wire again. Se that is how I think.
I know that many just don't connect with me on those aspects and even at great lengths I am pushed away from others. Yet the judging that is shown even when the words are saying "I don't judge". Funny, in the sense of quirkiness is that the body language shows a million more words than anyone wants to comprehend.
What digs me is that so many people tell me not to overthink. Yet do you really know I am overthinking or just really recognizing the roles you are pressing against again? Truly that is what really irritates people.
I am not sorry for doing what I always do, observe and read. Yes they are two different things. Reading involves the listening, absorbing and note taking. The observation is watching movements and signals that most don't even know they do. See that is the aspect I have from not really hearing well. The intensive research that I did as growing up. Not necessarily research but that of learning how "normal" human beings act.
Why do I say research of learning? Well I had key hope that one day I would fit into my family. And yet, now, I am myself.
So sure I am always finding ways to improve. Even as I recognize parts of my personality that are stubborn. There is always some place I have that needs a form of correction, just as I now remind myself of being so far from the perfection line. So why do I sit and try to observe and read others when even I need correcting?
Good question. However even with their life and mannerisms I can learn from them. I can learn how they treat others, how they hold themselves and how to help, possibly, the next person with similar traits. So for me to learn I grow too.
Sounds positively weird but I learn from others in so many ways. So going back over why or how I could have changed the disagreement helps me to understand, first I am always in need of correction and how I can treat someone better. Viewing each disagreement as, perhaps, we both were clashing something inside of us. Or even perhaps that we were both right but one less than the other. Either way or numerous ways, I just have to say extra thinking helps me bring questions as to how to change myself and how I treat others.
So of course I am bound to clash here and there and even rub many the wrong way. Yet constantly thinking brings results in change, for the better along a very narrow pathway. So all in all eclectic as I am I would hope that from this calm day of observations have settled into notes to myself on what needs immediate care and what can press back for a while longer.
Indeed reflection and meditation is deep and very rewarding. I'd hope you would think so too.
Taking a deep breath and just walking away is the best solution. Yet even as I sit here recalling over the rest of the day I find myself wondering how I could have made the disagreement, altogether, disappear. What steps I need to take to not step onto this live wire again. Se that is how I think.
I know that many just don't connect with me on those aspects and even at great lengths I am pushed away from others. Yet the judging that is shown even when the words are saying "I don't judge". Funny, in the sense of quirkiness is that the body language shows a million more words than anyone wants to comprehend.
What digs me is that so many people tell me not to overthink. Yet do you really know I am overthinking or just really recognizing the roles you are pressing against again? Truly that is what really irritates people.
I am not sorry for doing what I always do, observe and read. Yes they are two different things. Reading involves the listening, absorbing and note taking. The observation is watching movements and signals that most don't even know they do. See that is the aspect I have from not really hearing well. The intensive research that I did as growing up. Not necessarily research but that of learning how "normal" human beings act.
Why do I say research of learning? Well I had key hope that one day I would fit into my family. And yet, now, I am myself.
So sure I am always finding ways to improve. Even as I recognize parts of my personality that are stubborn. There is always some place I have that needs a form of correction, just as I now remind myself of being so far from the perfection line. So why do I sit and try to observe and read others when even I need correcting?
Good question. However even with their life and mannerisms I can learn from them. I can learn how they treat others, how they hold themselves and how to help, possibly, the next person with similar traits. So for me to learn I grow too.
Sounds positively weird but I learn from others in so many ways. So going back over why or how I could have changed the disagreement helps me to understand, first I am always in need of correction and how I can treat someone better. Viewing each disagreement as, perhaps, we both were clashing something inside of us. Or even perhaps that we were both right but one less than the other. Either way or numerous ways, I just have to say extra thinking helps me bring questions as to how to change myself and how I treat others.
So of course I am bound to clash here and there and even rub many the wrong way. Yet constantly thinking brings results in change, for the better along a very narrow pathway. So all in all eclectic as I am I would hope that from this calm day of observations have settled into notes to myself on what needs immediate care and what can press back for a while longer.
Indeed reflection and meditation is deep and very rewarding. I'd hope you would think so too.
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