A battle smile

    Smallest of gestures mean more to me than ever saying
"I love you". How could that be of the kindness you bestow
upon someone else? Why wasn't there love towards me?
How was I different? How was all the cruelty my fault? Did
that make you feel justified by laying all the blame on me?

   Oh how I asked those questions over and over again until
they disrupted my current state, eating away at my spirit.
Degrading my joy and happiness. Funny how something in
the past can bring such tragedy to a new life. I allowed myself
to dwell on all the negativity I felt from those twelve years.
Allowing Satan into to hurt me further.

   Ah but here is Jehovah proving to me that I am stronger.
I can beat Satan in this battle to tear me down. Jehovah
gave me the right places, right steps to take to gain that
strength. Meetings. Association. Preaching. Indeed outlets
to pull me back.

   Oh how silly I have been for looking back to the
yesterdays. No reason to go back to those moments. I have
changed so greatly. Still the itches of curiosity echoed
inside my mind. I wanted to know how this new person was
better than me. Then I kindly was reminded by Jehovah
that not any of that matters now.

    For all the heartaches and tragedies I have faced
Jehovah still finds ways to strengthen my spirit. Ah gaining
that firmer foundation so when Satan tries to attack again
I can resist or ignore. That has to be important if a father
does that for their child, right?

    So,please, if you see tears in my eyes today understand
that I just won another battle against Satan. The emotions
shown are of relief and joy. Each sniffle I make reminds
me that Satan almost won. Yes my prayers to Jehovah were
heard, as they are always.

    Small steps echoed by long exhales. Tiny moments of peace
that glisten inside slate blue eyes. Grandness of a new
hope. Oh how I see, how I feel the goodness inside a victory.

    So my dear friend my routine of day and night have been
tossed around for I was battling Satan over whether my
choices with Jehovah were right. Jehovah stood beside me.
Helping me and loving me.

     Obh how I am currently much like the sunshine inside the
rain storm. I sit here meditating over the tears of joy. Is
that even possible?

    So make sure you smile if you see me for that will
strengthen me more than you ever can completely
comprehend. It will be the gift of love, of prayer, of hope
and a listening ear. Yes indeed one smile does just that
for me.

    So my dear friend, I smile to you.