Thinking, thoughts

Words inside me swirl tightly around the mind. Swishing down the throat. Running to the tip of my tongue. Exit! They shout. Leaping forward into the air. Only now I hope that they don't harm anyone. My thoughts are sad that now I could actually do harm to another, just by have ideas. 

Oh how I have learned a great deal from these taunting, stabbing words. Oh how I have been the recipient of both ends. My words and others. I would not want to choose to explode any of my ideas upon another one. 

As the words leap into the air I can only hold onto the hope that as they wave in the breeze that no one becomes sliced or damaged by what I say. 

Just one breath could be wrong. Just one answer could weigh someone down. Just one sentence could tear a person apart. Just to know that what I say can do that much damage. That is much weight to hold onto. 

Truly makes you think before you speak and truly even think before you think. All the boxes you collect in your mind, upon people and subject. They either are tucked away or they are useful. So what do we fill our minds with?

As I sit here with a battle waging inside my head, I have to just exhale. Breathe. Just for a moment. Just this wisdom of holding your thoughts and tongue is truly a self restraint training we all must try. Even apply in our lives. 

See, for me, I have to constantly remind myself just how far we ALL are from perfection. So for me to take note of the imperfections of others I need to look at myself first. So much correction I have yet to be done. 

Each day I begin to think about a negativity or even a unfair, unjust event I have to remember to see the light in the whole situation. Look at the time as Jehovah does. Truly that is my challenge. EVERY DAY!

So do I always refrain from speaking my mind? NO! Some days I don't think before I speak. Some days I have anger. Some days I even get irritated over the details of the day. Yet I remember all the good examples in the Bible then I study them. Sure there are moments when I don't see the "need" to do such. Then I correct myself. 

So what do I do? I write. Lately it has been a long pause. The stresses within the household had me on several layers of mortar and I just couldn't crack it. Yet tonight was the first night I felt the need to get my voice back out. 

Sure I still have the long pause. And in some parts of the day it seems as though I am not going to speak to anyone about anything, then I find myself talking to Jehovah about those issues. Indeed the best friend I could ever have. Jehovah.

Jehovah helps me. 

He gives me special scriptures when I am searching for the emotion that is assaulting me. Jehovah gives me articles to show I am NOT alone in these moments, that several thousands of siblings have these times. 

What is even more gracious is when my thoughts do shine, I am grateful Jehovah helped me see the light, the positive in the sentences, thoughts. I am grateful. 

And so, yes, I still catch myself needing help. Every second of the day, no. But every other one, yes. Smirking. I am grateful to have the choice to turn to Jehovah.