oddness
I find myself leaning into this kind of oddness but it is quiet. Even much more of this peace that can settle into the crevices of my core. The spirit of me is at utmost calm. Is that understandable or not?
I used to care what people thought of me but now I only wonder what God thinks of me. This odd child of his. And even as I sit here in my bedroom wide awake, I am capable of being mellow.
And at the moment I think all is going to go awry this spontaneous spurt of joy finds me. How to make anyone understand is the way I felt before, always off. Always in a distant corner. Always just waiting for someone to notice me.
Yet now all I can think and do is leap towards how Jehovah wants me to be. Oh no, not self righteous. More to the aspect of being aware and alert. Honestly, something I let slip away for a long time.
Did you know coming here, to Ohio, has been the hardest steps for me. Yet here I have come to learn so much of what Jehovah wants me to do. Slow down my breathing. Enjoy the peaceable parts of life and prepare for what lays ahead.
For me, whenever reinstatement happens, the urgency is there. I want all who are interested to hear the good news. Yet right now I feel as though it is wrong for me to proclaim anything but my experiences.
To preach is not my place yet. And when the time does come, oh how much I will savor this priviledge. Oh how much I will have grown since I last knocked on a door, wrote a letter or even spoken to someone so passionately about Jehovah.
So I endure but I also pray and make spiritual goals. Looking for ways to apply everything that is given in counsel, whether it is now or a prevention. I have to admit there was a comment that a sister made when I first got to this congregation and it stuck with me. She mentioned when I pray, pray for a situation to arise so that I can learn to apply to my life. Even when a comment is given how can I apply it to my current situation.
Just a simple comment such as that has stuck with me so well.
A delight. And that is a wonderful gift from Jehovah. A sweet memory to cling to.
And as the thoughts rumble through my mind, they make very little sense but I am applying into my life. Odd, yes but every detail of provisions from Jehovah are welcomed. What about you?
I used to care what people thought of me but now I only wonder what God thinks of me. This odd child of his. And even as I sit here in my bedroom wide awake, I am capable of being mellow.
And at the moment I think all is going to go awry this spontaneous spurt of joy finds me. How to make anyone understand is the way I felt before, always off. Always in a distant corner. Always just waiting for someone to notice me.
Yet now all I can think and do is leap towards how Jehovah wants me to be. Oh no, not self righteous. More to the aspect of being aware and alert. Honestly, something I let slip away for a long time.
Did you know coming here, to Ohio, has been the hardest steps for me. Yet here I have come to learn so much of what Jehovah wants me to do. Slow down my breathing. Enjoy the peaceable parts of life and prepare for what lays ahead.
For me, whenever reinstatement happens, the urgency is there. I want all who are interested to hear the good news. Yet right now I feel as though it is wrong for me to proclaim anything but my experiences.
To preach is not my place yet. And when the time does come, oh how much I will savor this priviledge. Oh how much I will have grown since I last knocked on a door, wrote a letter or even spoken to someone so passionately about Jehovah.
So I endure but I also pray and make spiritual goals. Looking for ways to apply everything that is given in counsel, whether it is now or a prevention. I have to admit there was a comment that a sister made when I first got to this congregation and it stuck with me. She mentioned when I pray, pray for a situation to arise so that I can learn to apply to my life. Even when a comment is given how can I apply it to my current situation.
Just a simple comment such as that has stuck with me so well.
A delight. And that is a wonderful gift from Jehovah. A sweet memory to cling to.
And as the thoughts rumble through my mind, they make very little sense but I am applying into my life. Odd, yes but every detail of provisions from Jehovah are welcomed. What about you?
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