I have walked away
Its amazing how much you can help someone and not realize just how much they don't know or care about you. Then when they give you something so out of the ordinary, not something you would ever look at or agree to think of, you just say wow inside.
I have just taken all of today to be very grateful to walk away from someone like that. Just to realize the intention of helping them was only benefitting them. Not really though. As I sat through the many gasps and wows inside my head, I just thought well I was grateful to attempt to help.
Yet even more so now is realizing my person is always going to be odd. I am always going to be too different for people to truly grasp. At times that will be hard to accept, I know Jehovah will accept me.
So now I just readjust myself back into my fuller studies. Entertain my mind with the talks and the scriptures. Parts to just make me real to myself again. I don't expect anyone to understand this adjustment.
I just know after either truly helping someone or just trying I get sliced in so many ways that refining and defining myself again always seems to set me on a clearer path. Almost as though the lessons those people taught me about them, their lives and issues I am capable of assessing what can be opened for me to learn from. Live by example or learn from experience. In my case sometimes it is both.
Not once is there a negative experience from it. Sure there are hurtful moments because I put effort in them but I also understand that is part of the curve. So why do I, sometimes, just walk away so coldly?
Well it is that I have just finished. I cannot put anymore of me into the situation because when I do I become too dark. Empathy is a great characteristic to have until it isn't. Yes, sometimes, empathy can do great harm.
So after this morning I found myself closing a door, ending a chapter in my life. Beginning a crisp, new page. Sure there will be times light resurfaces and a prayer is answered about this subject, I still am grateful for the opportunity to have been a part of their lives.
Sure I am viewed as overthinking and even cold in my ways but that is my protection. I am grateful there was only a portion of myself shown. So as the days go by I know I will adjust well.
Forward into new goals and soon the memory will be just that, a memory. Something that fades into view here and there.
I have just taken all of today to be very grateful to walk away from someone like that. Just to realize the intention of helping them was only benefitting them. Not really though. As I sat through the many gasps and wows inside my head, I just thought well I was grateful to attempt to help.
Yet even more so now is realizing my person is always going to be odd. I am always going to be too different for people to truly grasp. At times that will be hard to accept, I know Jehovah will accept me.
So now I just readjust myself back into my fuller studies. Entertain my mind with the talks and the scriptures. Parts to just make me real to myself again. I don't expect anyone to understand this adjustment.
I just know after either truly helping someone or just trying I get sliced in so many ways that refining and defining myself again always seems to set me on a clearer path. Almost as though the lessons those people taught me about them, their lives and issues I am capable of assessing what can be opened for me to learn from. Live by example or learn from experience. In my case sometimes it is both.
Not once is there a negative experience from it. Sure there are hurtful moments because I put effort in them but I also understand that is part of the curve. So why do I, sometimes, just walk away so coldly?
Well it is that I have just finished. I cannot put anymore of me into the situation because when I do I become too dark. Empathy is a great characteristic to have until it isn't. Yes, sometimes, empathy can do great harm.
So after this morning I found myself closing a door, ending a chapter in my life. Beginning a crisp, new page. Sure there will be times light resurfaces and a prayer is answered about this subject, I still am grateful for the opportunity to have been a part of their lives.
Sure I am viewed as overthinking and even cold in my ways but that is my protection. I am grateful there was only a portion of myself shown. So as the days go by I know I will adjust well.
Forward into new goals and soon the memory will be just that, a memory. Something that fades into view here and there.
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